C vs. D
by Cremrock
Summary: Here it is, the beginning of the sequel to Dende's Day Out. Hope it makes ya laugh! ^^ Still not currently back in development, but with new spiffy chapter format! ^^;;;;
1. C vs. D Chapter 1 (Part 1, for those of ...

C vs. D

"The epic sequel that occurs when a writer lets one positively acclaimed story go to his head."

Chapter 1: Relieving experiences

_'Lo, all! Cremrock here, and I thought I'd explain myself slightly before forcing (Ahem, hoping) you all to read the beginning of this sequel to Dende's Day Out. That's exactly what it is, a sequel to the first comedic fanfic I wrote, although this story is going to be much longer. Hence, the first story isn't required reading, but it WILL be hinted at, so if you want to know why Dende's standing on the steps to Son Goku's house, or if you just want to read that to determine if you might like this story, that's the place to go. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story! I know I'm having a hilariously fun time writing it! ^_^_

Peace ~Cremrock

Ahem, well, it's redundant for this chapter, but…

By Cremrock

Lightning slowly flashed, as a dark, shadowy figure soared over Yunzabitt plain. His keen eyes scanned the landscape as flashes of ki and lightning illuminated the barren, frost covered ground… He glanced around for a few more minutes before realizing it was too dark to see anything, as the lightning had already stopped. Cursing to himself, he reached into his cloak pocket and pulled out a capsule. Flinging it to the ground in a puff of smoke it revealed a… sun lamp. Cackling evilly, the figure soared up to 1000 feet above the ground and clicked the on switch. Brilliant light flooded the area for over a mile. Spying a glint of orange amid the rocks below, the figure swooped down and collected the sphere. This was the first of the seven keys to his ultimate revenge. Laughing once more, the figure sped into the clouds in an explosion of Ki.

* * *

The sun rose over the landscape gracefully as the wildlife continued sleeping. Well, all except for two people. Dende, wearing his standard Nameksei-jin robes and vest and flanked by two enormous suitcases, stood in front of a sleepy-eyed Son Goku, who was not looking incredibly happy at being awakened. It was about 5:30 in the morning.

"…so anyway, do you think I can stay with you for a few days until this blows over?" Dende asked, looking at the half-asleep Saiya-jin towering over him.

Still dazed, Goku mumbled, "Come inside. Need coffee." Turning around, he walked through the door into the kitchen. Dende followed, dragging his two suitcases into the living room and leaving them there. Upon arriving, Goku reached into a cabinet and pulled out a gallon of pre-made coffee. Draining it in one gulp, he perked up noticeably, exploded into Super Saiya-jin form, then reverted back to his normal form and sat down at the table. He gestured for Dende to have a seat. Dende nodded and sat down.

"So anyway Dende, what's going on?" He began. Dende muttered something under his breath and glanced up at Goku. Despite the fact that they were both sitting, Dende's short stature made it difficult for him to look Goku in the eye..

"Hang on a minute, Goku, I have to get something." Goku watched confused, as Dende reached under his sink and pulled out three telephone books. He stacked them on his chair and sat back down, now at eye level with Goku. Goku scratched his head. "Please continue." Dende said impatiently, trying to conceal his awkwardness.

"So anyways…" Goku started again, "Piccolo and Mr. Popo kicked you out after promising not to again because they say you wrecked the lookout and drank half a billion zeni worth of water. Is that your story?" Dende scowled and nodded.

"Yeah. Have you ever heard anything so impossible? I mean, look how small I am compared to you guys, and I'm not even a fighter Namek. How could I wreck something? And besides, if I drank all that water I'd really have… to… go…" Dende froze for a moment as his eyes grew wide, talking slower and slower with each word, as if trying to hold something back.

"Dende? What's wrong? Are you sick? Is it gas? Do you need a drink? Yeah, that's it I'd bet, well don't worry, we have tons of water…" Dende's face fell as he clenched his teeth, his face suddenly twisting awkwardly. Goku hardly noticed, unaware that his comments were only making life all the harder for Dende. "It's imported from the biggest waterfall around, Yunzabitt falls. Want me to get you some?" There was an awkward silence as Dende stared at Goku. Finally, he spoke, in one crisp, strained sentence, as if he was employing all of his willpower in not allowing something awful to happen.

"G…Goku? Where's your bathroom?" The Namek asked urgently.

Goku blinked and tilted his head towards the entryway. "Oh, go down the hall, turn left, and it's right there." Without even nodding in thanks, Dende soared at top speed towards the bathroom, flying with his legs crossed. (Ok, I've probably made a bunch of people wonder HOW everyone's favorite race of green aliens take care of business. Well, Akira Toriyama never explained it, and there certainly aren't any pictures of Piccolo on the *cough * can. I'm certainly not going to make any theories. Just trust your imagination. In my defense however, Kami's Lookout does have toilets, all that water (and food, if any, yes Namek's can eat, I've determined this) has to go somewhere…). The silence that followed for the next few moments was awkward, as the rapid shuffling of clothing could be heard, along with faint mutterings from the hallway. As the mutterings continued, Goku finally broke his composure and burst into hysterical laughter.

"Blast it! Why is this outfit so hard to get off?! What was I thinking when I designed these clothes! No wonder half the Namek's I know just wear a vest and pants!" When this muttering finally stopped, Goku heard a huge whoosh of running water. His eyes bugged out because he had never heard the like, it was as if a huge rainstorm was nearby. Turning around, he saw that the nearby dam had broken, the sound didn't come from Dende as Goku had previously thought. He began wondering why the dam had broken when he was interrupted from these thoughts by three sharp high-pitched screams in unison. Goku jumped up with a start. Moments later Chi-chi and Son Gohan appeared from around the corner, dressed in two morning robes, with their faces beet red. Goku grinned sheepishly. He certainly wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he could guess what had happened. The dam had stopped gushing water, but a faint "tinkling" noise could still be heard in the background… Goku didn't need to guess… not with evidence like that.

"Gee, hi honey, hi son. Uh… what's up?" He murmured, trying to cut through the silence.

Gohan and Chi-chi just fell backwards with their legs up in the air. After a few moments, Gohan finally managed to speak. The sound of water still had not stopped.

"M… mother…" Gohan began, stuttering. "Woke me up because she thought there was a burglar in the house… we went to check the bathroom because… because," Gohan paused for a moment, then decided that he couldn't figure out any very tasteful ways to explain it and just blurted the fact out. "Did you know Dende's sitting on our… and… having a… a… relieving experience in our bathroom, dad?" Gohan finished, still red. As if to drive the point home, and much too loudly in Gohan's opinion, a faint cry of "Ahhhh, I feel ten pounds lighter!" was heard down the hallway as the "tinkling" of water finally stopped. Goku broke down and started laughing again when a flush was heard and a few moments later Dende slowly walked in. His face was purple, as he was blushing, both at being discovered, and maybe just a little about his explanation at the end, but he couldn't think of any other way to put it. He managed to convey a strange look of embarrassment/unpleasantness/and relief in the same expression.

"Hi everyone…" He said, waving. Chi-Chi and Gohan stared at him as he tried to blunder his way out of the subject before it began. "Uh… so how's the local… um… sports team doing… heh heh." Gohan, Chi-chi, and Goku groaned in unison. Chi-chi's eyes began to glow with an intense fire as she stood back up. Goku and Gohan both winced. Sweat began dripping down Dende's face. Chi-chi pointed at Dende.

"GOKU! MY ROOM. NOW!" She promptly grabbed Goku's left arm. "And just how did he get here in this hou-…" Dende overheard Chi-chi saying as Goku was dragged away. Gohan scratched his head and stared at the door. Dende hung his head, still embarrassed, and now worried he was going to be a problem. He glanced behind him as Gohan placed a hand on Dende's shoulder, grinning.

"Well Dende, I broke some pretty amazing records when I was forced to survive half a year in the wilderness, but you beat em all!"

Dende groaned. "Uh, thanks, I think."

* * *

Five minutes later, Gohan and Dende were still sitting at the table. The din of Chi-chi's tirade at Goku could still easily be heard. Dende's keen ears could pick out a few words and sentences like "He should learn to lock a door!" and "He might wreck Gohan's studies!"

"Gee…" Dende said sadly while glancing at a picture of Chi-chi, Goku, Goten, and Gohan all smiling happily. "Maybe I should go stay with Kuririn instead. I don't think your mom likes me much." Gohan smiled at Dende, understanding how Dende was feeling.

He chuckled, hoping to cheer his friend up by letting him know his mother's hatred wasn't directed solely at him. "Don't worry about it Dende, mother always gets like this when she doesn't know someone's coming over. You should have seen her last week when Goku said Trunks could stay over with Goten for a night." Dende thought about that a moment, and then grinned.

"Was that day Tuesday?" He asked, remembering one of the things that had made him roll his eyes and burst into hysterical laughter when he was doing his daily check of the Earth from his vantage point at the lookout.

"Yeah, why?" Gohan peered at him, confused.

"No reason. I thought it was odd to see your house on fire when I was looking down at the Earth. The best thing about being god of a planet is that you can spy- er, watch out for everyone on your planet." Dende grinned innocently, trying to conceal his little slip-up. "So," He gestured at the two suitcases in the living room. "Where am I staying?" He asked, hoping against hope he wouldn't have to sleep in the living room on the sofa. Gohan shrugged.

"In my room, I guess. Goten's room is too small, and there are two beds in my room." Dende glanced at Gohan.

"Why's there another bed, not that I'm complaining since I don't want to use a sleeping bag." Dende's eyes suddenly widened as another thought came into his head. "Is… is Chi-chi expecting ANOTHER kid?!" Gohan blushed.

"No, but she occasionally gets angry enough at father to push him out of the bed… and since dad can't sleep on a sofa, he needed another bed, and my room's the only one big enough."

"Oh. That's a relief. I still haven't figured out where you human's hide those eggs yet, but I'd imagine it's a pretty good place…" Dende replied. Gohan rolled his eyes when Dende wasn't looking, wondering if anyone was ever going to give the Nameksei-jin the "talk". He decided he'd better change the subject before Dende commented on it again.

"How'd you manage to carry these here?" Gohan wondered out loud, amazed at the heftiness of the two suitcases. Dende grinned and flexed his arm. Surprisingly a faint lump could be seen under his sleeve.

"I'm not that weak when it comes to the lifting department Gohan. I live with a short fat guy and a nut who wears a heavy turban and mantle all the time. If a desk or pillar or something ever fell on me I'd be dead meat since Piccolo has chronic back pain from that stupid turban and Mr. Popo is basically just short and fat. It's all about survival. So I take a drink from my magic elixir now and then, and voila!"

"What's it do? Help you train? Give you eternal youth?" Gohan asked. Dende looked awkward.

"Well… let me think, it came from a place on the old Namek planet… what would you earthlings call this stuff… umm… uh… steroids! That's it!"

Gohan adopted a look of concern as he admonished his friend. "Now Dende, those are bad for you."

"Nah, they don't hurt Namekians, Gohan. Neru drank the magic water all the time."

"Really?" Gohan asked. Dende rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on now. Do you really think he followed some ancient training to become a good fighter? The only training he did was drink the magic water and fly around the planet now and then. He showed me the magic pond once he saw me struggling to lift up an Ajissan plant. The Saichoro said I should wait until I was older when he saw me with the elixir, but I ignored him. He really must not have known what he was talking about. Look at me, does it look like there's anything wrong? I'm in perfect health!" Dende flexed again and laughed. Gohan gulped.

"Um… Dende? What about the fact that you're only up to here," Gohan turned his hand sideways and put it a little above his waist. "On me, and you're about my age?"

"How long did it take Piccolo to get tall?" Dende pondered out loud. "On Nameksei, it varies a lot, but…"

"Uh, lets see… three or four years." Gohan replied. Dende gulped. With the exception of his first few years of life, he realized he had hardly grown at all.

"You mean I'm gonna be short for the rest of my life?! Destined always to look up even at Mr. Popo?! WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dende screamed, panicking and running around Gohan in circles. Gohan smiled and stuck his hand into the tornado around him, extracting Dende by the collar and setting him back down to the ground. .

"Don't worry about it Dende, just stop drinking your magic water and start training like the rest of us do if you need muscles." Gohan smiled at Dende, who by now was sweating profusely, already out of breath. When he could finally speak again, he rose to his feet and stared.

"Well… okay Gohan, I guess I could start lifting or something. But anyway, lets get these suitcases to the room, okay?" Gohan nodded and lifted up a suitcase, still marveling at the weight. Dende followed suit, and the two of them began marching to Gohan's room.

As they crept past Goku and Chi-chi's room, they could still hear Chi-chi's yelling. They paused in front of it a moment, listening. This time he could hear quite clearly, and it sounded as if she was now berating Goku about the cleanliness of the house, how he had only held a job for a day, and now why he had invited that "pointy eared green midget monster" into the house without asking. They both chuckled, despite Chi-chi's insult towards Dende.

Dende nudged Gohan with his elbow, prompting the Saiya-jin to bend down near Dende's mouth. "Gohan," Dende whispered, "It's highly unlikely since I'm a Namek and asexual, but if I ever fall in love with someone and wanna get married, shoot me, okay?" Gohan chuckled and nodded. Suddenly, a series of thumps were heard and the door swung open, sending Dende and Gohan flying. Chi-chi and Goku stormed out. Both were smiling, although Chi-chi's was obviously forced. Chi-chi noticed the suitcases in Dende and Gohan's hands. Her jaw dropped, and her smile rapidly contorted back into a frown.

"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING BRINGING YOUR STUFF IN THIS HOUSE BEFORE GETTING PERMISSION TO STAY?!" She bellowed. Dende gulped, picking himself up as beads of sweat trickled down his forehead.

"Uh… um… that is…" Dende stammered, gulping. Fortunately before Chi-chi could question further, Gohan came to the rescue. After all, he had experiencing dealing with these "Explosive" situations.

"Mother! Dende's just trying to prove he can help around the house a bit! These suitcases are full of Goten's toys he left outside!" He yelled urgently. Chi-chi's face softened a bit.

"Oh, well I guess I was wrong about you. Thanks a lot." She said to Dende. Dende just wiped his forehead off and sighed in relief. "Anyway," She continued, "Goku and I talked a bit, and you can stay here for a week or two. There's one small condition though." Chi-chi smiled warmly at Dende, who smiled back.

"Wow, thanks! I'll be happy to do some chores and errands!" Dende said.

"It's not like that…" Chi-chi said softly. "I'm so sorry for you. Goku said you lived on another planet with no schools. I feel sorry for you, so you're going to attend school with Gohan. Isn't that wonderful?" Chi-chi beamed. "You're getting a real education!" Dende cringed in shock.

* * *

Outside the Son family's home, the wildlife scattered as an incredibly high pitched scream echoed from the house. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Followed by the faint thump of a Nameksei-jin falling to the ground.

"That went well," Goku whispered to Gohan, and he nodded in agreement, even as Chi-chi dashed off to get some smelling salts.

* * *

When Dende came to, he noticed three people standing over him, Chi-chi, Gohan, and Goku. Gohan extended a hand down, which Dende grasped.

"Are you okay, Dende?" Gohan said, pulling the Namek to his feet.

"Uh… I'm fine, I think. Phew, it must have been some awful dream. I thought I was going to school." Chi-chi smiled at him, a twinge of confusion etching onto her face.

"But you are, dear." Dende's eyes widened as he stepped backwards. He looked at the trio assembled in front of him, Chi-chi smiling reassuringly, Gohan and Goku grinning half-heartedly. His eyes traced to the two of them, practically begging for support, or a voice of reason, but the look on their faces showed Dende he would get no help from this quarter. Gohan liked school, and Goku had learned long ago that there was nothing he could do to stop his wife on matters of education. Dende groaned. It was up to him and him alone. He formulated a ridiculous plan, especially since Piccolo's means of teaching him to be the god of Earth so long ago basically just entailed him being handed a book titled, "So you want to be Kami".

"Uh, the truth is ma'am, I'm being privately taught already by a man named… uh… Mr. Piccolo! Yeah, he's the greatest teacher I know!" Chi-chi's face exploded in rage as she seemed to rise up even higher then before, making Dende feel like he was two inches tall… well, okay, one inch tall.

"THE SAME MR. PICCOLO THAT KIDNAPPED MY SON?!" She shrieked. Dende gulped and loosened his collar, getting scared and trying desperately to think of a response.

"Uh, what I mean to say is, um… his name's Mr. Roshi!"

"THE SAME MR. ROSHI THAT HAS 60 MISDEAMENORS FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT?"

His mind racing frantically, Dende searched for his final card.

"Um… you see… I've already had an education!" He said hastily. "I'm uh… a graduate from the Namek school of medicine! And I'm Bilingual! So you see… I don't need another education! I have my own!" Dende smiled, trying to look like a cute and well-educated Namek. Chi-chi groaned.

"But I've already enrolled you at Orange Star High School! You'll have to attend for a day so you can drop out!" Dende's jaw dropped and he crumpled to the floor, a broken Nameksei-jin, if not in body, then in mind and resolve. Gohan pulled him back up and smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry Dende! What can happen in one day? Besides, school's fun! Nothing bad's ever happened to me." Unfortunately, having been put through hell the previous day, Dende wasn't very enthusiastic. The fact that Gohan, who had supposedly thought of himself as "fine", thought of himself as a super-hero didn't help much either. He sighed and motioned towards the hallway where Gohan's room was. Despondent, he picked up his suitcases and walked to Gohan's room quietly. Gohan glanced at his still beaming mother and daydreaming father, and turned to follow his friend.

* * *

A few minutes later, Dende had returned to his normal self, after Gohan had gotten him some water. Actually, it was Zima, but Dende didn't need to know that. All Gohan knew was he had to get his friend perked up somehow, and his experiences at the hands of Garlic Jr. so many years ago had shown him one way to get someone in a good mood. Booze. Dende finished his clear, alcoholic beverage, (Gohan had only risked giving him a small glass,) and grinned. He seemed a little disoriented, but otherwise fine, with a faint, dizzy looking smile on his face.

"Gee, you have some weird water around here Gohan, the water at the Lookout tastes nothing like this. Are you sure you didn't give me something other than water?"

"Uh, don't worry about it, it's fine." Gohan replied hastily. "So um… what's the combination number on this suitcase anyway?" Dende shrugged.

"Beats me, I packed in my sleep. These are Mr. Popo's anyway." He replied. Dende struggled with his own suitcase. Frustrated at his inability to open it, he jumped on top of it and bounced into the air. The Namek grinned. "I bet I can bounce it open! This is great! I've always wanted to bounce on my bed at the Lookout but Mr. Popo won't let me!" Dende started bouncing repeatedly, going higher and higher. Gohan gulped. "Uh, Dende, maybe you shouldn't…

Dende laughed gleefully, cutting his friend off. "Whee! Ha ha ha ha ha! This is fun! Whee! WHE-" Suddenly the suitcase lid, unable to handle the stress, whipped open at breakneck speed sending Dende crashing into a wall.

"Dende! Are you alright?!" Gohan said frantically, running to his fallen friend. Dende groaned. He had, after all, in the past two days been crushed, ignited, and now put through a wall. Rising weakly to his feet, Dende nodded at the suitcase.

"Well, at least we got one open." He said, rubbing his sore back and regretting the fact that he couldn't make himself feel better. Son Goten walked into the room, clad in a pair of blue pajamas, since he had just awakened from the loud noise. He grinned at the two of them. Gohan and Dende smiled back at him.

"Hi brother! Hi Dende!" The little half Saiya-jin said cheerfully. "What's going on?" Dende grinned and explained the suitcase dilemma to Goten. Goten smiled and nodded to Dende. Goten liked Dende, particularly because whenever Gohan and Goten came to visit the lookout Piccolo had always stuck with Gohan, leaving Dende the hefty task of producing a meal for the child. Actually, he had always wondered where Mr. Popo was at those times, but there was nothing wrong with being god, a healer, and a good cook. He only regretted the fact that he hadn't yet had the guts to taste anything of his own making, since he didn't like or need to eat. Goten glanced at the suitcase and smiled. Gohan scratched his head, he knew that look, it was the exact same look when Goten had thrown rocks at him to help his reflexes.

"I'll help, brother!" Goten yelled as he took on a familiar stance, which looked even weirder in blue pajamas. Gohan gulped. He recognized that stance. Dende just stared, unsure of what was happening. He wasn't so dense that he couldn't recognize the familiar stance for Son Goku's signature attack, the Kame Hame Ha, but he had never watched Goten perform it. The child wasn't wearing his orange gi, which played another plague on Dende's senses, for all he knew Goten was preparing to scratch his back, wolf down five hundred pancakes, or dash off to the restroom.

"Kame…" Goten began. Now Dende's eyes widened in shock as he realized what the child was about to do.

"Uh, Goten, we don't need the suitcase open that bad-" He said hastily, stepping in front of Goten.

Goten cut him off as he continued. "Kame…" Dende froze like a deer staring at headlights, as Gohan grabbed the paralyzed Namek by the collar and dived with him to the other side of the bed, ducking.

"Ha!" Goten finished as his ki blasted into the suitcase, which exploded instantly. Goten looked around confused, as charred versions of Dende's standard outfit slowly drifted down to the floor. Gohan and Dende stood up from under the bed. The destroyer scratched his head.

"Gee Dende, is this all you wear?" He asked. Dende sighed, trying to keep from lashing out at the child. He was obviously a bit angry.

"Well, it was all I wore. Now what do I have to wear while I'm living here? I can't just make clothes out of thin air like Piccolo can." Dende complained. Goten glanced at Dende, which made him think of food. He turned around and left the same way he had come in. And a moment after he was out of earshot Dende jumped up and down, and started throwing a temper tantrum.

"Don't worry Dende, we'll go to the lookout and pick you up some new clothes tomorrow. And if not you can wear some of my old clothes!" Gohan said, walking past the first bed and pulling a broom out of his closet, beginning to sweep the charred remains up.

"But… your clothes are so… tight." Dende sighed, sitting on the bed. Nameksei-jin liked larger, billowy clothes.

"Well, maybe you packed some clothes in your other suitcase. Let's check!" Gohan began rummaging around Dende's remaining suitcase as the Namek watched. He lifted a black box out of the suitcase and was about to toss it on his desk.

"Be careful with that!" Dende shrieked, jumping off the bed and catching it before it landed. He put it down gently on the desk. Gohan walked over and read the bright lettering on it. He glanced at Dende.

"You've got to be kidding me. Make your own dragonball kit?" Gohan asked. Dende grinned and nodded.

"My motto is be prepared. You never know when Son Gok- er, some idiot is going to accidentally break one of the balls." He said smugly.

Gohan looked perturbed. "You mean all you need to make dragonballs is one of these kits? Just like that?" Dende nodded, giving him a "duh" look, and after thinking and pondering this new knowledge for a moment, Gohan grinned. Dende knew what he was thinking.

"You still need a member of the Dragon race to make the dragon of the balls, so you can't just get a cheap and easy wish maker. Sorry Gohan, you're gonna have to put up with Shenlon for your wishing needs!" Dende said brightly. Gohan sighed. Unexpectedly, Dende frowned.

"Hmm? What's the matter, Dende?" Gohan requested, glad he didn't have to endure a lecture about ethics and that there should only be one dragon, the way he was expecting. He had been pretty sure that's what Kami would have done. Dende's voice sounded embarrassed, as if he was confessing to a crime.

"Oh nothing important. I was just remembering how disappointed I was when I found out I had to stick with Shenlon when powering up the Dragonballs. My dragon would've had two, no three heads! And he would have twenty arms! And um… he'd be different shades of purple and yellow, not green! Porunga's green, I wanted to have color coded dragons. And he would have a personality! And um… say something different then that boring ol' Fare Thee Well!" Dende had begun grinning as he had been thinking out loud, and his grin now stretched over the whole lower half of his face. "What do you say Gohan? Let's make our own dragon! It'd be great!" Dende exclaimed.

Gohan glanced warily at the "Make your own Dragonballs" kit, spinning the idea around and around in his mind. "Well," he admitted, "It would be good to have another set of wishes every time I wanted mother to give permission to go to Videl's hou-… er, um… I mean every time Kuririn dies! Yeah, that's it!" Gohan said, concealing his original intent nicely, in his opinion.

Dende jumped up and down in excitement, looking for all the world like a kid that had just found out he was the sole inheritor of fifty million zeni. "Then it's settled! I'll work on making the dragon, you can work on making the Dragonballs! Remember that they should be Pink and Green, Nameksei-jin colors, not Bright ugly orange! And sign each one with our names! I want people to look at these and say, WOW! Dende and Gohan made these!"

Gohan couldn't help but roll his eyes as Dende ran to his suitcase and began digging for other materials. Gohan snatched up the make your own Dragonball kit. He started reading the instructions. It said the more complex the balls looked the longer it would take. He groaned. It was going to take some work.

* * *

Six hours later, he had finally finished the one and two star Dragonballs. Beside him were seven rejected Dragonballs. He heard another curse from the other side of the room. He had been hearing a lot of those since the ordeal had begun. Picking up the two complete Dragonballs, he crossed the room to where Dende was diligently working. Dende scowled as a hand reached in behind him and grabbed some of the materials he had been using.

"Um… Dende? Why are you using Play-doh?" Gohan requested awkwardly, examining the contents of one of the containers.

"Shut up Gohan, if you want color you have to use it. It's in the rule book." Dende grumbled. Gohan peeked over the Namek's shoulder and nearly laughed out loud. The fruits of Dende's labor for six hours certainly didn't look much like a dragon. Instead, it resembled a yellow and purple glob of play-doh with three round balls on top as heads and twenty toothpicks sticking out of the base for arms. Dende fiddled with the blob a few more moments before yawning.

"Hey Gohan, I'm pretty tired, I didn't sleep much last night. Let's turn in and we can finish this stuff tomorrow morning." Gohan shook his head.

"You have school tomorrow, remember Dende?" Gohan replied. Dende scowled and muttered a curse in Nameksei-jin.

"Guess I'd better get ready for bed then." Dende covered the dragon up and left the room. When he returned, Gohan's eyes widened in shock. Dende was dressed in a familiar Green and Black outfit that was a bit big for him. He looked awkward, but he was smiling slightly.

"Gohan, this is great! I found something that's loose and billowy, just like Nameksei-jin clothes!" Gohan's jaw dropped.

"Dende! You can't wear that to bed! That's my great Saiyaman costume!" He shrieked. Dende glanced down at his clothes, confused.

"Well I'll be. I thought they were pajamas or something. Great Saiyaman? I knew you were a super hero, but I always thought you were just break dancing or something. Those fighting poses and phrases certainly didn't instill fear in me when I saw them." Dende grinned. Gohan gritted his teeth and went Super Saiya-jin at the mention of an insult to his beloved costume and hard thought poses. Dende gulped, and took a step back.

"Now, what was that about my costume and poses?" The Saiya-jin said, raising a glowing fist to Dende's eye level. Sweat began pouring down Dende's face as he backed into the wall.

"Uh… this? This costume is great! It's so loose and colorful! And those fighting poses are so graceful and fear instilling that even I want to do them. And man, those phrases, they have criminals shaking in their boots. Heh heh." Dende said meekly. Gohan smiled. He had trapped Dende.

"Show me." Was all Gohan said. Dende gulped. He quite obviously had no idea what to do. Smiling halfheartedly, Dende got down on his tiptoes and raised his arms high over head in a V.

"Uh… to protect the world from domination…" He began. Gohan smiled.

"Wrong. Try again." He said. By this time Goten, Goku, and Kuririn had sensed Gohan's SSJ explosion and entered the room, and the four of them were now watching Dende and trying not to laugh. Dende began sweating even more, plainly embarrassed now that even more of his friends were observing the spectacle. This time Dende raised his left hand to the air and stood at his full height.

"Um… it's morphin time!" He yelled. Gohan grinned even wider, and Goku, Goten, and Kuririn put their hands over their mouths. This time, Dende put one outstretched arm in front of him, palm up, and raised his left arm overhead in a "we're number one pose."

"As long as injustice exists, The Great Saiyaman will keep you safe!" He bellowed, praying he was correct this time. Goku, Goten, and Kuririn all fell down clutching their sides from laughing too hard. Gohan tried very hard to hold on to his anger, but began chuckling, until it erupted into a full fledged bellow of laughter at Dende's antics. The look on the Nameksei-jin's face was priceless. Slowly as he laughed even harder with the rest of the group, his hair returned to it's normal hue. Dende sighed and glared, his eyes burning into Gohan, seeming to say "Why did you do this to me?"

After a moment, Gohan finally managed to bring his laughter under control, grinning at his friend as he said, "Well Dende, I don't recall ever saying that or using that pose, but it looked so good I'll have to incorporate it next time I fight crime. You can stop now." Managing to finish that difficult to control comment, Gohan burst into laughter once more as Dende glanced at the ground. Slowly, Dende began to laugh despite his embarrassment, after all, there were far worse things then being embarrassed in front of your friends, and as we all know, laughter is highly contagious.

Unfortunately, the laughter came to an end as Goten grabbed onto a nearby table mat (I know it's lame but I can't remember what they're called.) on the desk, upon which an expensive looking Ming vase was perched. Goten yanked on the mat as he laughed, unaware that the vase was there, and it stood for a moment, teetering between disaster and solid ground, before finally giving in to gravity and falling to the ground, shattering into hundreds of pieces with a loud **CRASH**. They immediately stopped laughing, and stared at the broken vase for a moment as a strange thumping noise from outside, steadily getting closer and louder. Thump, Thump thumpthumpthumpthump. Goku shrieked, sensing a familiar ki, and grabbed Kuririn, using his instantaneous movement (or transmission, groan) to teleport the two of them into the living room, leaving Dende, Gohan, and Goten to shrink back in horror as Chi-chi burst into the room, her face frozen in a frown. The three looked at the angry housewife/mother, glanced at each other, and gulped simultaneously as their eyes grew wide. Chi-chi pointed at the vase, her eyes scanning the trio for any evidence.

"WHO DID THIS?!" She screamed. Dende pointed at Goten, Goten pointed at Gohan, and Gohan pointed at Dende.

"He did it, ma'am." Dende replied hastily.

"Gohan did it, mother, he threw a book at it. I'm hungry." Goten said innocently.

"He did it mother, you can't trust gods, they're always making a mess of things." Gohan stammered. Chi-chi sighed. This was going to take awhile.

* * *

While Chi-chi was playing detective, the narrowly escaping Goku had stopped to get some refreshments for himself and his guest. He plopped down onto the couch, arms laden with popcorn, pretzels, and other assorted snacks. Kuririn sat down next to him and flipped on the TV.

Kuririn began flipping through the channels before glancing to the right, smiling at his friend. "Thanks for inviting me over to watch your favorite show, Goku. I just need to get out of the house once in awhile, and since Marron and No. 18 are away I've had nothing to do." Goku nodded, stuffing his face with a bowl of popcorn. Kuririn reached for some then withdrew his hand when Goku turned and snarled at him. He thought Goku might have been joking, but then, if he caught his hand in there, Goku might grab it and eat it with all the other things he had. He decided to change the subject quickly. "So, what's this show called, anyway?" Goku dumped a box of pork rinds in the now empty bowl before answering, smiling as he recited his new number one goal in life.

"Yeah, it's called Who wants to weigh a million pounds! I'm trying to become a contestant! It's such a great show!" Goku explained, now shoving a box of cookies down his gullet. On the TV screen, a rail thin man appeared, flanked by two enormous piles of food. He was grinning a bright, polished smile, as Kuririn watched, wondering why Goku was so obsessed with a game show. Goku stared, eyes transfixed on the man in the suit, who was beginning to speak.

"Hi! I'm Plegis Dilbin, the host of Who wants to weigh a million pounds! Let's meet our contestants! Our first contestant has been the champion since the show began, you know him, you love him, say hello to…. MR. BUU!" From behind the curtain, Mr. Buu stepped out, waving at the crowd. Several admiring fans threw boxes of cookies at him, which he readily devoured. Plegis raised his hands, calming the crowd down, as he tilted his head in the direction of the other curtain. "And now, the challenger, who's being selected from hundreds of ticket holders, say hello to… MR.VEGETA!" From behind the other curtain, everyone's favorite spiky haired Saiya-jin prince stepped out, grinning broadly. He was pumping his arms up and down in victory, and wearing his pink T-shirt.

"Yes! I made it! Whoo-hoo! I…" Vegeta stopped as he glanced at the game show host. "What the hell… you're not Alex Trebec! This isn't Jeopardy! Where am I?" He demanded, confusion etched in his face.

A bead of sweat appeared on Plegis' face, as he wondered which corner of the world they had found THIS idiot from. "Well sir, you're on Who wants to be a million pounds! It's everybody's favorite game where you attempt to clear your pile of food before your opponent does!"

Vegeta glared at him, mouth agape in shock. "That's the stupidest idea for a game show I ever heard! I wanted to beat up all those geniuses on the show and take the money! How'd I get here?" The prince said, exploding into Super Saiya-jin 2 and looking ready to go AWOL on the crowd. He paused for a moment, and grinned. "Wait, this might not be so bad after all. What can I win?" He asked.

"Well, you can have anything in the world, sir! As long as it's an object and not a person's life!" The host explained. Vegeta nodded, grinning evilly as he formulated his next question.

"Even a Super Saiya-jin turbo electric backscratcher?" Vegeta asked. The host nodded, adjusting his tie.

"I don't know what that is, but if it exists we'll get you one!" He said hastily, noting that this person was much stronger looking then he was.

Vegeta began chuckling, and then burst into cruel, evil laughter. "YES! Kakarotto doesn't have one of those! I can finally defeat him at something! Ahahahahaha! Quick, let's get this over with." The host ushered Vegeta over to his food pile. Buu was already at his.

"3…2…1… BEGIN!" The host yelled. Vegeta and Buu began shoveling food into their mouths. Buu and Vegeta were nearly even, but at the last second Buu pulled out a bit of extra effort, and finished the last of the food. Vegeta stood there defeated, staring at the last vegetable on his plate. It was a carrot.

"Well, it looks like you didn't win, sorry Mr. Vegeta!" The host said, trying to sound depressed. Vegeta didn't say anything, his eyes growing wide as he picked up the carrot. He stared. It had it's familiar orange hue, but instead of the top being green, it was blue, and for a brief moment Vegeta's imagination transfixed Son Goku's face on it. He sobbed.

"DEFEATED BY KAKAROTTO AGAIN! WHYYYYYYYYY!" The host gulped as Vegeta advanced, ready to tear Plegis Dilbin's face off. But before he did, Buu reached up behind Vegeta, grabbed him securely around the waist, and tossed him into his mouth, swallowing him whole. Plegis stared at Buu as the large, pink person smiled politely at him. He looked sickened, but finally regained his composure and turned back towards the camera.

"Well, it looks like our challenger didn't win again. Be sure to tune in tomorrow, for night #26 of "Who wants to weigh a million pounds!" Good night, Satan City!" Plegis said hastily, motioning for the credits. A moment later, the credits rolled up so quickly that not even the trained eyes of Goku or Kuririn could detect their movements, and the show went off the air.

Goku stared, a tear welling up in his eye. Kuririn eyed him warily, a little disgusted by the spectacle himself.

"G…Goku… are you sad because Buu ate Vegeta? Don't worry… Buu'll spit him out, he did swallow him whole… I can still sense his ki, he's not dead…" Kuririn mumbled, saddened at the forlorn look on his friend's face. A moment later Goku burst into tears. Kuririn put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "There there, Goku… like I said, he'll be out of Buu in a day… Mr. Satan will find a way to get him out, I'll go over to his house and get him to help… Vegeta's fine, after all." Goku gazed at Kuririn, still overcome by emotion.

"He… he… he ate him." Goku said mournfully.

"Goku… like I said, he's fine, I can sense his ki…" Goku sobbed even harder.

"But… but…" He pulled out a handkerchief and blew into it. "I wanted to eat him!" Goku screamed, even as Kuririn fell off the couch.

Chi-chi walked in behind the group, having put Dende, Gohan, and Goten to bed early as punishment. She surveyed Kuririn lying on the ground, frozen in shock, and Goku, who by now was pounding a fist on the couch in despair, still wiping at his ever-streaming eyes.

She bent down near Kuririn's ear, whispering. "Hey Kuririn, what's wrong with my husband? Why's he so sad…?" Kuririn stared up at Chi-chi.

"He… he's depressed because Buu just ate Vegeta and he wanted to eat Vegeta, I think…" Chi-chi smiled.

"Don't worry about it Kuririn, I'll take care of everything. Thanks for telling me, it looks like he didn't take his medicine today." Kuririn blinked, relaxing slightly.

"Medicine? What ailment does Goku have?" Kuririn asked. Chi-chi smiled brightly, speaking as if Goku merely suffered from a cold.

"Well, he has a few cannibalistic tendencies driven by a chemical imbalance in his brain… his medicine corrects that and makes him just like a normal, sane, person… he must've forgotten to take it today. It's my entire fault, I forgot to cook him some Vege-" Kuririn's eyes widened in shock as he took a step back, suddenly wondering if the Son family was a bunch of cannibals. "-tarian soup today, it's the only thing he'll take his medicine with. I guess he already used the leftovers yesterday." Chi-chi finished. Kuririn breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, that makes sense… well, I'd better go, will you need any help?" He asked, wanting to leave as soon as possible so that he could rescue Vegeta. Chi-chi shook her head, smiling.

"No, don't worry about it, I'll have everything under control. Good night, Kuririn!"

Kuririn waved goodbye to the two of them, told Goku that he'd be okay, and flew off into the air at a brisk speed.


	2. C vs. D Chapter 2 (Part 2)

**C vs. D**

**"The epic sequel to the first chapter of the sequel that occurs when a writer lets feedback go to his head."**

**Chapter 2: Piccolo the Pedestrian**

**By Cremrock**

Dende glanced around. He found himself floating in a strange black void. Suddenly the void opened up above Dende, and beams of light rained down, blinding him. When Dende was able to see again, he gasped in surprise. Standing in front of him was his father, and the father of all the living Namek's, with a few exceptions. What seemed stranger to Dende was that he was busily gobbling down several buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. That, and…

"F…father?! Where am I? What are you doing here! And, um… why the heck are you sitting there in your underwear?" The Saichoro stopped eating his chicken for a moment and squinted down at Dende.

"I have come in your dreams to tell you something, my son. Please, hop up on Daddy's lap." Dende surveyed the chicken shreds, The Saichoro's ugly, wrinkled leg, and his use of the term "Daddy". Dende shook his head, hoping he wasn't about to offend the elder.

"Um, no thanks, I don't want to trouble you. So why are you in your underwear, anyway?" The older Nameksei-jin frowned, and Dende wondered if he should really have asked that question or not.

After a pause, he explained. "Well, it's because you're the god of Earth! You see, you've got that stupid sixth sense with most of the residents of the planet now, and someone else's dreams are merging with your image of me in that little telepathic head of yours! Sheesh, kids these days…" The Saichoro belched and threw another bucket of chicken into his mouth. Dende cringed.

"Uh, sir, could you hurry up please? It's not that I'm not overjoyed to see you, you being dead for years and all, but… you are REALLY freaking me out."

The Saichoro nodded. "Fine, fine! This chicken really sucks anyway! Anyways, here's the message. You," The Saichoro raised one huge arm and pointed at Dende. "Must stick it out with the Son family for awhile. One of your brothers is busily gathering the dragonballs to extract some horrible revenge on you. You must be ready to combat it." The Saichoro said grimly. Dende rolled his eyes and suppressed the urge to get sick. The Saichoro wiped his chicken grease stained hands on the only clothing he was wearing, his underwear. Dende looked away, trying to shut the image out of his mind.

After a moment, he found the resolve to turn and look at the Saichoro again. "Could you be a bit more specific? You did have a lot of children, after all!" Dende asked politely, trying not to gag. Saichoro shook his head.

"Sorry, I can't really give any more info than that. It's against the rules. You'd better get up and finish your dragonballs tonight, you might need them soon." Dende nodded, a faint look of determination (And relief that the bizarre dream seemed about over) etched onto his green features.

"Right, I'll get them done right away! See ya!" Dende turned away, waving.

"Dende! Remember, you can't tell anyone else that you've seen me! And don't tell anyone about what I told you! Keep it to yourself, okay?" Saichoro yelled after him. Dende looked back and nodded. He took a few more steps away from Saichoro, then stopped. He turned around. The Saichoro belched once, then smiled warmly, holding his arms out. "Aw, does my favorite little child want a hug?" Dende surveyed the pile of chicken bones in his father's lap, and the overall sickness of his rolls, wrinkled body, and greasy hands.. He groaned.

"Well… actually… I'm not sure how to wake up!" Dende exclaimed quickly, hoping to get out of the dream without having to find a way to kill himself to wake up.

The Saichoro sighed, a tear coming to his eye. "You're sure you don't want a hug? It's so lonely up here!"

"Well… No." Dende replied meekly. The Saichoro tried again.

"But Dende, you might not see me again for centuries! Are you Really, Really REALLY sure?"

That was when Dende lost it. "NO DAD! YOU'RE SO DISGUSTING SITTING THERE GOBBLING DOWN SOME POOR FRIED BIRD'S PARTS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!" He shrieked. The Saichoro scowled.

"Well fine! I'm gonna wake you up just so I don't have to put up with your attitude! Beat it!" The Saichoro reached back behind his throne and pulled out another bucket of chicken. It was hurled toward Dende's head...

* * *

Dende jolted up in his bed, wide-awake. He looked around, at Gohan's sleeping form, and the general darkness of the room. He figured he'd better take his father's advice and finish the Dragonballs he was making, so he jumped out of bed and went to the kitchen to find something to drink before he started. On his way back he rounded a corner. A tall, shadowy figure stood in front of him.

"Ahhh!" Dende shrieked, falling over in surprise and fear. The figure leaned down at him, then glanced around. A sudden burst of light from a tiny ki ball illuminated the spiky haired person. Dende sighed in relief as he recognized the startled face of Son Goku.

Goku grinned. "Oh, hi Dende! How'd I get here? I must've been sleepwalking! You woke me up from the most wonderful dream! I was sitting in this nice well-lit place in my underwear, and I had all the Kentucky Fried Chicken I could eat! Isn't that great?!" Dende's cheeks puffed out as a sudden burst of nausea overtook him, his stomach obviously not quite recovered from his dream with the Saichoro.

Dende's eyes rolled, his face turned an even paler shade of green, and he swallowed hard. "Uh… that's great Goku… I'm going to the bathroom now… see ya!" Goku glanced back at Dende as he ran down the hallway. He shrugged.

"Gee, what's wrong with him?"

* * *

Gohan stood over Dende, shaking him. It was the following morning, and he had just eaten breakfast. Soon it would be time to start going to school, or at least soon enough for him. Dende just kept mumbling and turning despite Gohan's efforts. As the god of his planet, he had gotten to sleep as long as he liked. He was in for a rude awakening.

"C'mon Dende, it's time to wake up! We have school in a couple of hours!" Gohan said angrily. The Namek turned once again, still asleep.

"Don't… off… the god of…" Was all he said, still asleep. Gohan cursed under his breath. He had been fed up with Dende ever since he had heard Dende working the night before, keeping him awake. When he woke up, he had been surprised to see all seven of Dende's new Dragonballs lying on the desk, finished, but he was still angry at being kept awake. Smiling evilly, Gohan picked up the little Namek and slung him over his shoulder. He trudged into the bathroom, opened up the toilet seat, and dangled Dende over the magical throne, holding his shins and ankles.

"Hey… wha?" Dende mumbled, swinging around slightly and seeming to stir slightly.

"Dende," Gohan began, his voice increasing in anger with every word. "If you don't wake up right now, I'm going to give you a flushie. Dende mumbled something that sounded like "sure, I'll take two of those…" and Gohan realized that he was still asleep, even in his position.

"You asked for it!" Gohan yelled triumphantly, plunging Dende in and jamming the flushing handle down with a thunk. With a satisfying whoosh, the miracle chair created its majestic whirlpool. As it began, Dende became more life like in Gohan's arms, until he was holding a furiously screaming green and pink ball of energy, flailing wildly. Gohan finally let Dende up, and Dende dropped to the floor and sat down, breathing heavily while finding the strength to glare at Gohan, his face dripping with water, outrage etched all over his face.

"Wh, what'd you do that for?!" He yelled. Gohan grinned.

"To wake you up, of course." He replied. Dende growled.

"Well gee, why don't you just sit on me next time? Or better yet, just kill me to wake me up!" Dende screamed, getting in Gohan's face by hovering off the ground. Gohan maintained his composure.

Gohan shrugged. "Alright Dende, next time, I'll just stick your hand in a cup of warm water." Dende's eyes grew wide as he got down on his knees and clasped his hands together at Gohan.

"NO! Don't do that! It works for Namek's too!" He screamed urgently, begging.

Gohan nodded, glad Dende had yielded. "Well, you seem to have learned your lesson, besides I wouldn't do that to one of my best friends." Gohan sighed. "How do you know that works on Namek's? I thought that was an Earthling trick." Dende stood up and grinned, his eyes glowing at the thought of being able to tell Gohan about one of his favorite learning experiences when he was little.

"Well, it all started when I was about 3. In fact, it was shortly before you came to my planet. Neru taught me the trick, and… although he told me only to use it on someone I really hated and only as a joke, I wanted to see if Saichoro could move, so…" Dende broke off and grinned even wider. Gohan blinked in disbelief, picturing the oversized chair the Saichoro sat on as a commode.

"You didn't…"

"Yep!" Dende replied brightly. "Actually it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I didn't find out much. You see, he was still really old, so… he was wearing a giant Namek economy sized diaper."

"Really?"

"Well, he was asleep and didn't move, but I did hear Nail complaining about SOMETHING big when he went to see him when he woke up." Gohan started laughing despite the thought, until he noticed the clock.

"Oh my… wait, you're god. Never mind. Anyway, Oh no! It's only two hours till school starts Dende!" Gohan said, glancing around and looking worried. Dende decided to give Gohan a lesson in time management, and reached up on his tip toes and slapped Gohan across the back of the head.

"You got me up two hours early?!" He shrieked. Before Gohan could reply and explain himself, Chi-chi walked in, clad in her normal clothes, and Dende briefly thought about asking her why she almost always wore the same thing when he realized he was guilty of it himself.

"I hope you two are ready to go to school!" She said, smiling brightly at the two of them. Dende gulped, never really having recovered from his initial shock the day before.

Dende raised his left hand. "Um, excuse me ma'am, but if we fly to school it'll only take ten minutes tops. Why are we getting ready now?" Chi-chi scowled.

"It's too dangerous to fly places. Instead Son Goku will be driving you both to school!" She replied hastily, totally sincere.

Gohan and Dende's jaws dropped instantly as they heard this news, amid two cries, one of "FATHER?!" and one of "SON GOKU?!". Gohan decided that he had better think of something fast.

"Um, mother, we need more time to get ready, please give us ten minutes!" Gohan asked politely. Chi-chi nodded, giving them a "Hurry-up" sign. Dende immediately turned and charged into Gohan's room, dragging Gohan behind him. In the room he dashed to the desk, pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil, and began hastily scribbling on the paper. Gohan walked over, knowing why Dende was so panicked but not sure exactly what he was writing.

"Hey Dende, what are you writing?" Gohan requested, picking up the piece of paper and reading the words inscribed in 5 inch letters written on it. Dende ignored him and continued scribbling frantically. "What the… instructions to use the Namekian Dragonballs?"

Dende looked up at his friend and nodded gravely, looking depressed. "That's right! Goku's driving! I'm going to die! Quick! What else should I write down? Let's see… how to say it in the Namek tongue… uh… Pupuritto paro karo Dende!-Please resurrect Dende! (Author's note: I completely made that up. I do not know Nameksei-jin. ^^) Let's see, other tips… I know! Don't piss Porunga off! That's great!" (I know, I'm overdoing this line way too much, but when FUNimation screwed this one up I was laughing my head off. Not to mention they picked, at least in my book, the character most LEAST likely to ever swear, dub or otherwise! Wait a minute, I've had him swear multiple times in this story and the first. D'oh! Anyways, don't worry, this is the last time the line will ever come up in this story… yeah right, like anyone believes me now… ^_~) Gohan rolled his eyes even as Dende was finishing his scribbling, sighing in relief.

"Doesn't Piccolo know Namekian? It seems kind of pointless to write all that down when we've got another resident Namek… and Mr. Popo can speak the language too…" Dende shrugged.

"Ah, ya never know what could happen. Phew, I'm glad Porunga can resurrect people more then once." He said, smiling. Gohan wondered about that for a moment, then spoke.

"Hey Dende, I'll bet that took a lot of work. Why did your father make them like that, anyway?" Gohan queried, after all, he was trying to become a scholar. Questions were his business. Dende nodded, happy to provide his friend with more insight into Namek history.

"Well, okay, this is how it went. When the cataclysm hit and everyone except the Saichoro died, he started spitting out a few eggs, you know, repopulate the planet, right? So the first three children were made, and everything was fine for awhile. But you see, in their second year of life, Namek kids are just growing, they're like your toddlers, but they're even dumber! They're basically… well… lemmings! We'll walk off cliffs, into the jaws of ravenous beasts, step on things… basically any self-inflicted injury you can think of! So after the first child killed itself by walking off a cliff, and then the other two wandered away and were never seen again. He decided to make the Dragonballs, because if not, he couldn't resurrect anyone and none of the kids would ever grow up and survive unless only had one kid at a time, since he could only watch one. And that's the story."

"I don't believe you, Dende." Gohan replied. Dende blinked. He looked hurt.

"You don't? Then where do you think I got this scar on my leg?" Dende pulled up his toga/gi/robe/ whatever you wanna call it, and started fiddling with his pants, ready to pull them down…

"Ah! I take your word for it!" Gohan said quickly, stopping his friend. Dende nodded, then froze. A strange smile crept over his face as he lapsed back into the days when he was little. His eyes looked almost trancelike, similar to a small child's. What's more, Gohan noticed it. He wondered what this might mean. _"Heck,"_ Gohan thought. _"That's the same look Goten walks around wearing half the time…"_ Dende held up his left hand and pointed at a small purple mark on his right hand.

"I got this scar walking into a Namekian cactus when I was two!" He said proudly. It was the type of pride little kids pronounce when they showed off their stitches, nicks and scrapes, bandages, and casts. Gohan looked at Dende's odd expression he wondered what had gotten into his friend.

"Um, gee… that's nice… well we'd better get going." Gohan said hastily. Dende turned his back to Gohan, pulling his robe up, bending down, and putting his hands at his sides. He clenched his hands on the rims of his pants. Gohan's eyes widened.

"And I got this scar after I sat on…"

"DENDE!" Gohan screamed.

* * *

Ten minutes later Goku was with Gohan and Dende in the car. Dende looked extremely embarrassed. Gohan had a frown on his face, and was looking out the window opposite Dende's.

Dende sighed. "Gee Gohan, I'm sorry, sometimes when we Namek's think about our younger days we sort of lapse into that sense of young, Nameksei-jin child stupidity and…"

"Dende, trust me, I most definitely do not want to talk about what just transpired. Now let us never speak of it again." Gohan replied without looking back. Dende looked pained.

"But… I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, zip it!" Gohan replied, holding up a hand. Dende sighed and nodded. He glanced up at the sky and clasped his hands, praying, deciding to focus his worry on someone else.

"Hey Kaioshin, if you let me live on this trip I'll never ever bother you about sending me my official "God of Earth" T-shirt again."

Son Goku looked into the back seat, his innocent smile etched into his face. "Don't worry about it Dende! I'm an excellent driver! Put your seat belts on just in case though, I can't control other drivers." He exclaimed. Not surprisingly, Dende and Gohan had put their belts on the moment they had entered the car, anticipating Goku to forget to put the break on or something. Dende and Gohan soon quit paying attention, and five minutes later, Gohan was studying and Dende was drawing a picture of his dragon. "Gee, this isn't so bad," Dende thought, sketching out the first of many arms. "Maybe Goku's doing a good job, it's as if we're not even moving." A moment later, Goku looked back at them, his face edged with confusion.

"Hey guys? Um, do either of you know where the ignition is? I've been looking for a couple of minutes and still haven't found it." Dende and Gohan looked up, glanced at each other, and groaned audibly.

* * *

Five minutes later, the trio was on their way. Goku was smiling dumbly, somehow managing to keep the car in one piece. He looked to the back seat, grinning. "See guys, no sweat, right?" Goku asked. Dende and Gohan were frozen in terror, Gripping the bottom of the seat, their knuckles white, which was an impressive enough feat for Gohan, and even more impressive for Dende.

"Father! Keep your eyes on the road!" Gohan shrieked.

"Goku! Wrong lane! You're supposed to be in the left! Change now!" Dende chorused.

"What…?" Goku asked, turning around.

"WATCH THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC!" Dende and Gohan screamed, ducking. With a screech of rubber, Goku pulled the car out of the incoming danger just in time. Goku wiped his forehead.

"Phew, that was close, all these other drivers are so irresponsible." Dende and Gohan started crying in relief, having survived another close call. Dende wiped his eyes looked up at the sky, and to his amazement, a tiny caped figure was flying above the car.

"Hey! Goku, we're being chased by someone! I think they're trying to tell us to slow down!" Dende pointed. Gohan squinted. That costume looked awfully familiar, but it was hard to tell from this distance. Suddenly, with an explosion of ki, the figure accelerated far past the car and disappeared over the horizon.

* * *

Flying several miles past the dangerously speeding car, Videl landed on the road, striking a dramatic pose in her blue visored helmet and multi colored costume, preparing for an intricate cycle of movements portraying her crime-fighting ability. In the distance, the car rapidly approached, well above the normal speed limit. "I am the Great Saiyaman 2…" She began, holding a hand out.

* * *

Goku looked into the back seat again. "Hey guys, I'm hungry, got anything to eat?" He asked hopefully.

Gohan, keeping his eyes on the road even from the back seat, suddenly screamed as they rounded a turn. "Ahhh! Dad! Turn quick! It's Videl! We're gonna hit!" Gohan screamed again. Goku looked confused.

"Your girlfriend? I can't eat Videl, what do you mea-" Goku was cut off by a very large sound, a combination of shredding and a huge th-bump! Gohan turned pale, biting his fingernails and wincing at the sound. Dende looked shaken and gulped, wondering what the sound had come from. Goku pulled the car over expertly. "Okay guys, I stopped because loud bumps can be a sign of car trouble. I'd better go check." He said sternly, stepping out of the car. Gohan, gritting his teeth, followed. Dende got stuck in his seatbelt and started whimpering.

Goku and Gohan spread out, searching the area. Gohan saw Videl first and screamed. The unfortunate superhero had been torn in half by the tremendous speed of Goku's driving. The other half was under the car. Somehow, Goku had managed to completely dismember his girlfriend. Gohan was not happy.

"Oh my god! D…dad! You killed my girlfriend!" Gohan screamed, biting back tears. As if on cue, Dende rolled out of the car, finally freeing himself. He stood up and glanced at Gohan and Goku's shocked expressions.

"Somebody call my…" Dende's eyes bulged out as he turned around and looked at what Gohan and Goku were looking at. "HOLY CRAP! Videl! Goku, what did you do!" The god shrieked, glaring at Goku. Goku scratched his head. He looked extremely nervous.

"Ahh! W…we can fix her, right? Right? You can heal her Dende, right? We just need to put her back together." Dende backed away. Goku had clearly lost it. The saiya-jin glanced around, looking for something. Goku scratched his head, still shaken but actually thinking for a change. "Hey, where's her head anyway? I have her top and bottom halves, and her legs are over there, but…"

Investigating on the other side of the car, something fell from the sky and clunked Dende in the head. He examined it momentarily, looking down in surprise. It was a helmet with a cracked, blue visor. But there was something else in the helmet that could be barely seen through the visor, looking almost like a human… "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Namek wailed.

A short distance away Goku was frantically trying to put Videl's separated body back together. Gohan was crying nearby, obviously depressed. Dende was glancing at the ground, kicking at a few pebbles, realizing that yet again, they'd have to use their wishes to bring someone back from the dead. Suddenly, Gohan seemed to be overwhelmed with emotion. He gazed up at the sky.

"M… my only girlfriend… we… we… WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE OUT YET! TAKE ME! I'M OLD!!!!!" Gohan cried to the empty air. Dende and Goku just stared at Gohan with wide eyes, surprised expressions on their faces. Goku then got back to his task, trying to put Videl back together.

"Let's see, how did that go? The anklebone connects to the… leg bone! The leg bone connects to the… arm bone! Aw crud, that's not right. Why can't I remember this song!" He exclaimed. 

A short distance away, Dende glanced at Videl's head. It was still lying where it had bounced after it had hit Dende in the head. Looking at it, it gave him an idea. It was time for some payback. He smiled slightly, wondering if Videl would approve if he told her this story. She probably wouldn't but he decided he'd do it anyway, and smiled slightly, tucking her head under his arm. With any luck she wouldn't kill him if she found out.

* * *

Gohan turned to see Videl's helmeted head staring at him over a bush. He saw her mouth move up and down. His face brightened.

"Videl! You're alive!" Gohan screamed.

"Uh, yes um… honey, but don't get all happy because I'm, uh… leaving you for Yajirobe! Yeah!" Gohan's jaw dropped in shock, then took on a slightly confused expression as he heard a snicker from behind the bushes. He leaned closer, seeing a figure in the bushes.

"But honey, I… hey! Wait a minute! I see you there Dende! That's not funny, working on ventriloquism using my dead Girlfriend's corpse!" The prank noticed, Dende crawled out from under the bush, grinning.

"Yeah, but you should have seen the look on your face!" Dende laughed, setting Videl's head gently on the ground, not wanting to make him any madder then he was, and trying to maintain a shred of respect for his friend's now deceased girlfriend. Gohan suddenly went SSJ, trying to contain his rage.

"That wasn't very nice, Dende! I can't believe you're god of this planet! Talk about no respect for the dead!" Dende glared at Gohan at this remark, and decided to tell Gohan the real reason he had pulled his trick.

"Hey Gohan, remember when I died on Namek? Well, I had somewhat of a view from heaven! Weren't you the one jumping up and down on my corpse screaming, YEAH! Freezer's dead! Once that Giant Genki Dama hit? When I got brought back, I had back trouble for a week because of that!" Dende yelled, glaring at Gohan. Gohan glared back.

"Yeah? So?" Gohan replied nonchalantly.

"SO? SO! You could at least have given me a decent burial! I mean if Son Goku can take thirty seconds to bury Vegeta, what do I get? Absolutely nothing?!" Dende's face turned a very deep green. Gohan was surprised, he had never seen a Namek that color before.

"Hey Dende, I did give you a nice burial! Remember?" Gohan said, trying to calm his friend down. He was beginning to feel guilty.

"Pouring super glue all over my body isn't a burial, nimrod! You're the one who doesn't have any respect for the dead, stomping on me and gluing me and all that! I can't believe you'll bury a whole buncha Nameksei-jin you don't know, but you won't even bury me!" Dende shrieked in reply, starting to cry, oddly enough. Gohan gulped, being swallowed entirely whole by Dende's guilt trip..

"Uh, but… I figured you'd died trying to save your planet, you wanted to stay connected to it!" He laughed, trying to calm his friend down. .

(While I'm at it, anyone else ever think about this? I mean look, when the Giant Genki Dama hits, Goku, Piccolo, Gohan, Kulilin, and even Bulma go flying away, and they're trying to brace themselves and hold onto things! Meanwhile, poor lil' Dende's body is a short distance away, and it just blows in the wind. Considering he weighs about forty pounds by my guess at that time, you'd think his body would fly away, you know, carom off a few rocks or something…)

It didn't have much effect, as Dende continued his tirade. "Then send me a hallmark card in heaven! Don't glue me to a planet! You know what a time I had getting up when I was alive again? It's a good thing I carry some glue solvent with me, or that planet would have blown up and we'd still be on it!" He finished. His voice's rage had been decreasing though, and it looked as if his anger had diminished, as he began to see that Gohan really did feel guilty. Gohan sighed, wanting to settle things and saying so.

"Fine, if you die before me then I'll give you a huge send off, ok?" Gohan asked. Dende nodded.

"Well, considering with Son's driving skills my life expectancy is only a couple of hours, I hope you throw a huge party for me." Dende said, grimacing. They started walking back to the car, shaking their heads sadly.

"Funny how we have this conversation on our deathbed." Gohan commented morbidly. "Oh well, at least I'll get to see Videl soon, at this rate…" Dende nodded sagely. Raising their chins to the sky in defiance, the two continued walking back to the car.

* * *

While the two were having their discussion, Goku was still at the site of the accident. He had long given up on putting the hapless Videl back together, and knowing that he couldn't just leave her there to be pecked at by crows and rats and such, he had thrown her remains in the trunk. As he closed the trunk, a ghostly, ethereal voice echoed out to him, sounding almost feminine, or more accurately, a high tenor. Goku stood up and glanced around.

"What? W…who's there?"

"You… must make up for your… accident." The ghostly voice echoed across Goku's ears. Goku clenched his fist, wondering if this unseen voice was an enemy.

"Who are you? You can't be Dende, he's not in the lookout so he's not trying to set me morally straight or something." Goku said in a surprising dose of keen intellect. Goku heard muffled swear words coming from some nearby bushes, in a far gruffer voice then before, but eventually, the swearing stopped.

"I'm… uh… um… this unfortunate girl's fairy godmother. There are only two ways to atone for your hideous deed. The first is that you must wish her back to life when you get the chance." Goku nodded, making a mental note.

"Yeah, I'd already planned on that. What's the other thing?" He requested.

"You must drop your car keys and run, not fly or teleport, across the world." The voice commanded. Goku scratched his head and peered quizzically at the bushes where the voice had seemed to be coming from.

"Gee, that's pretty easy. Okay, I'll do it right now! Bye fairy godmother!" Goku started charging off towards the bushes, since a straight line across the world was as good a route as any. He saw one that was spread slightly apart and peered inside.

"Oh, hi Piccolo! Did you hear the fairy godmother?" Goku said, spying the Namek hiding in the bush.

"Um, yes noble sir, er, um… yeah, I heard her Son. Now get the heck out of here!" Piccolo stuttered, as his voice changed from a ghostly, ethereal pitch to his normal gruffness. Goku scratched his head, and grinned.

"You know Piccolo, that's amazing! For a second you sounded like that fairy godmother! Ah well, must be just coincidence. See ya!" Goku waved and jogged off. Piccolo rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Ya know, some day someone with some brains is gonna try and destroy the Earth, and then we'll be in trouble… oh well." Piccolo muttered to himself. He stepped over to Goku's car and scooped up the car keys off the ground. Following this, he looked at Dende and Son Gohan's approaching figures in the distance. He waved and shouted, "Hey guys! Get your rears over here! I'm stealing Son's car to drive you two to school!" The two jumped at this news and scurried over. Practically flying, both of them looking incredibly relieved.

"Mr. Piccolo! You came to rescue us!" Gohan exclaimed happily, stepping up to embracing his mentor. Piccolo looked awkward and stepped back, and Gohan leaned too far down and crashed to the ground. He stared up at Piccolo, wondering why his surrogate father wasn't going to give him a hug.

Piccolo pointed at Dende, who had produced a small camera out of his collar and had been charging the battery. "Gohan… not in front of him." He admonished. Dende sighed.

"Aw shoot, I wanted a pic to send to the media… I can see the headline now… demon-king caught in touching moment!" Piccolo rolled his eyes and harumphed.

"Yeah sure, look do you guys want to survive your car ride or not? Get in!" Piccolo jumped into the front seat as the others threw the rear doors open and got in. Piccolo gunned the engine, as the car zoomed down the road once more.

* * *

"So, Piccolo! How's the Lookout? Still wrecked? Is Mr. Popo mad at me? Are you mad at me?" Dende chattered away, pestering the driver with questions. Piccolo grinned, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Well Dende, Popo fixed the lookout, but I don't think he got your room finished yet. He's not too mad anymore. As for me… well… I'm not mad enough to let Son kill you in a car crash. Nail's been seeing to it that I get a crushing headache if I let something happen to you. Besides, do you know what a pain it is to go all the way to Namek just to get you back? I don't even know Namekian!" Piccolo replied. Dende nodded, flashing a small smile at Gohan.

"Well, he prepared for that." Gohan piped in.

"By the way, did you give up your story that I wrecked it in the first place?" Dende asked, smiling.

"Dende, you're crazy! I saw you with my very own eyes wrecking the lookout and drinking all the water! Yeah, your eyes looked a little odd and you were singing some really annoying song, but that was you! Didn't it strike you as odd that you woke up in a pile of rubble surrounded by a hundred empty water bottles?" Piccolo asked. Dende kicked the back of Piccolo's seat in defiance.

Dende kicked the back of Piccolo's seat in defiance. "That wasn't me! Yeah, sure I'm all sore, and yeah I was in the bathroom for ten minutes at Gohan's house, but that wasn't me!" Dende defended himself. Piccolo just laughed.

"Maybe you were possessed or something, but there aren't any other demented little Namek's running around on THIS planet. Not unless you've been doing something I don't know about."

"What the… how dare you! I'm not even old enough to start spitting out eggs yet!" Dende said, shocked. Piccolo chuckled again.

"It was a joke, you moron. Man, that feels good. I'm the only person on the planet who can get away with calling god a moron. Moron Moron morrron… moron moron moron!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING!" Dende screamed.

* * *

Ten minutes later Piccolo and company were at an intersection. Cars were zooming past, and not one person was giving Piccolo some leeway to turn.

"Ok, I'm sure some fine citizen of Satan City will let us in soon…" Piccolo's voice trailed off as another car zipped past. He gritted his teeth and bit back the urge to launch a Makkankosappo at the passing motorist.

"Hey Mr. Piccolo, I don't think this is working." Gohan, glanced around as another car zipped past. Dende was busy doodling on a piece of paper, putting the finishing touches on the pencil sketch of the dragon he planned to make. He had stopped talking to Piccolo after babbling about how much he liked Nail better than Piccolo and that if he was him he'd let Nail have control of his body. The car's continued to zoom past, as Piccolo groaned…

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Piccolo was at his wits' end. Dende's quiet pencil scratching and the flip flip of Gohan's studying were grating away at his mind. Growling to himself, he started screaming in pain as he dug his fingers into his left shoulder and began to pull. Dende and Gohan looked up from their work, shocked beyond belief.

"PICCOLO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" They exclaimed simultaneously, continuing to stare in horror. Piccolo didn't answer as he finally tore the arm off. He tossed it on the front seat, concentrated, and regenerated his left arm. He then picked up his unattached arm and fiddled with the five fingers on the hand. He put down every finger, forming a fist in his severed arm. He then gripped the middle finger and tugged upward. Snickering slightly at his work, he carried his severed arm as he stepped out of the car, and began raising it over his head and waving it at the cars going past.

"What the… is he doing what I think he's doing?" Dende asked, glancing out the window at Piccolo. Gohan shrugged and leaned next to Dende, rubbing his chin thoughtfully while looking out his window.

"Well… if what you think he's doing is flipping the bird to the citizens of Satan City."

Dende groaned. "Maybe we should just skip school Gohan, this is going to get ugly if that approaching mob of traffickers have anything to say about it."

Gohan shook his head. "Nah, we'll fly. C'mon, let's go before they get too numerous." The two jumped out of the car and blasted off into the air. As they left, they could hear Piccolo yelling profanities at the crowd.

"YEAAAHHHH! YOU LIKE THAT SATAN CITY? YOU LIKE THAT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Surprisingly, several impressionable youths came over to Piccolo and started chanting with him. The turbaned Namek smiled. He started tearing his arms off, manipulating them so that unmistakable gesture of disrespect and vulgarity was displayed, and handed them to the crowd, regenerating his arms every time he bestowed a "present" to another supporter.

* * *

Meanwhile, Son Goku had returned to the scene of Videl's untimely demise after running around the world. He glanced around, confused, at the silence around him. His car, along with his son and guest, were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, where'd my car go? And where's Dende and Gohan?" Goku asked to the empty air.

"They left…" An ominous voice echoed from the bushes. Goku raised his hands in a defensive stance, since this voice wasn't the nice cheery fairy godmother he had heard earlier.

"Who's there?" Slowly, a diminutive, black cloaked figure that was about Dende's height emerged from the bushes. Goku couldn't see the figure's face.

The mysterious person got straight to his point. "I'm looking for the Dragonballs… I've heard you might have one. Might you be willing to part with it?" The cloaked figure stared at Goku expectantly. Goku reached into his gi and pulled out the four star dragonball, which he made sure he almost always carried with him, since it held significant meaning to him.

He sighed, since he hated to say no to people, except on matters of food. "I'm sorry, but this is important to me. My Grandfather's spirit is in it. I'm afraid I can't part with it." Goku explained. The cloaked figure nodded.

"But Son Goku, would you trade for…" The figure reached into its cloak and withdrew a white ticket. "…This?" Goku squinted at the ticket, scratching his head and trying to read the ticket.

"What is it?" Goku asked, clutching his dragonball protectively.

"A ticket enabling one to be a contestant on the game show "Who wants to weigh a million pounds…" would you like it?" The figure replied. Goku's eyes grew wide with delight.

"Sorry grandpa," The Saiya-jin muttered, handing the dragonball to the figure and taking the ticket. The figure walked away, leaving Goku gawking in delight at his prize. The figure smiled and stretched, basking in the orange glowiness of his latest acquisition. Two more to go, and then he would finally be able to set his plan in motion.


	3. C vs. D Chapter 3 (The incredibly whacke...

C vs. D

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."

Chapter 3: Dende's Enlightenment

By Cremrock

Dende and Gohan soared through the sky, their destination being Orange Star High School. Gohan was happily chattering away about his adventures as the Great Saiyaman, pointing out this bank where he'd beaten up a bunch of robbers, or this park where he'd helped an old lady across the street. Dende was trying his best to appear interested, but in reality he was dreading school, and it was evident on his face. Gohan noticed this and stopped, hovering in the air in front of his friend.

"Hey Dende, maybe if you told me why you hate school so much I'll be able to help." Gohan smiled at Dende. Dende glanced at Gohan but said nothing, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Aw c'mon Dende, we've still got a hour or two left until school starts, lets go sit on that park bench and we'll talk." Dende stared at Gohan for a moment.

"Will you buy me a drink?" Dende asked hopefully. Gohan sighed.

"Yes Dende, I'll be glad to, now c'mon, lets go." The two began decreasing their height in the air. Unfortunately, this touching moment of self reflection was broken up as a flock of birds collided with the pair.

"Ahh!" Dende screamed as the flock swept him away. Gohan swore as feathers flew all around him, momentarily blinding him. They both flailed their arms wildly, and finally broke free from the flock and landed on the ground, covered in feathers, dirt, and bird crap. They both sighed and pinched their noses, as they smelled terrible. Their clothes were obviously ruined.

"Hey Gohan, the price of admission just went up to two drinks." Dende said dryly. Gohan sighed and pulled out his wallet. Dende glanced around, reached into his collar/neck clothing, and pulled out a pocket watch. He flipped it open, checking the time. "You know Gohan, if we drink quickly and then fly at top speed to the Lookout for new clothes, we'll probably be late for school. Maybe we shouldn't go." Gohan sighed.

"Sorry Dende, but you're not getting out of this. School still doesn't start for about an hour. You're gonna sit right down and tell me all about why you don't like school, I really think I can help." Gohan said encouragingly. Dende sighed. They began walking to a nearby drink stand.

"So c'mon Dende, tell me already." Gohan prodded. Dende sighed again.

"Fine…" He began, walking slower then before. "I had a… bad experience on my first day in, uh… Namek kindergarten."

"Namek kindergarten? What's that?" Gohan exclaimed. Dende looked at Gohan, still walking.

"It's actually the only school, if you could call it that, on Namek. After we've spent some time in that the elders just give us work and home teach us. We, uh… learn how to share and how to fly. Anyway, the day started out horribly… we were allowed to go play with the blocks, and I got the first pick. But…" Dende sniffed a bit. "Then my brother Cargo came, and he wanted to play with the blocks. I offered to share, but… he beat me up and took the blocks anyway! He always beat me up at home! Do you know how embarrassing it is to get beat up by your little brother when he's not even a fighter Namek? Not to mention that we were peaceful, so I didn't know how to fight back. And then we had flying lessons…" Dende bit his lip. "And Cargo… Cargo…" Dende's face cramped up as his eyes purpled. "Cargo… he… WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Dende burst into tears.

"Whoa Dende, calm down, it's okay!" Gohan said, trying to comfort his friend. Dende sniffed and rubbed his eyes.

"He pushed me off the cliff before I knew how to fly! He was so mean! And then while I was hanging from a rock by my clothes, he got all the other lil' Namek children to laugh at me!" Dende sobbed before continuing. "And then at lunch he dumped out my bottle of water and replaced it with… with…" Dende, still bawling, whispered something in Gohan's ears. Gohan's eyes bulged out as he looked at Dende, taken aback.

"YOU DRANK THAT?! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" He exclaimed. Dende sighed.

"Y…yeah… I thought the water was a different color that day!"

"Bleh! I can't even think about drinking… THAT. No wonder you don't want to go to school!"

"Yeah… I hate Cargo! He made my life a living hell! That's why I was so anxious to come live here!" Dende finished, sniffling a little. Gohan sighed. He really sucked at being a good reassurance. Piccolo hadn't really been ideal for those types of lessons, unless Dende's idea of consolement were getting thrown off a cliff, ki-blasted, and punched.

"Well gee… I'm sorry Dende, I can see why you hate school now… but Cargo is on Namek and from what I've seen you've done ten times the things he could…" Dende sniffled again and glanced at Gohan.

"R…really?" Dende asked. Gohan nodded.

"Yep. You just have to stand up to him someday." Gohan put a hand on Dende's shoulder. Dende turned and glanced up at Gohan, smirking slightly.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Freezer whip your butt when you stood up to him?" Dende asked pointedly. Gohan groaned.

"At least I wasn't… ahem… feeding the Namekian worms at the time." Gohan replied. Dende grinned.

"Be nice, if it wasn't for ME you would've blown up with that planet."

"This is true. Anyway, don't worry about school, okay? I'm sure everything's going to be fine." Dende nodded, rubbing his still red eyes.

"You know Gohan, you're right. Now where are those drinks?" Dende asked, grinning wider. Gohan rolled his eyes, sighed, and opened his wallet.

* * *

The figure smiled under his hood. He had collected six of the seven dragonballs, now he just had to find the last and his revenge would be complete. With his keen eyes he saw two figures flying toward him. One was a young man with black hair, the other was a Namek gleefully sucking down two bottles of water. He stopped and hovered in the air, watching them as they approached. The Namek was as tall as he was, slightly taller. The figure waved then soared past them. He wondered if they were going where he had been mere minutes ago. It didn't matter though, he had ensured that they would not know of his coming. The servant at his previous destination would not be able to communicate to them who he was. He had ensured that.

Dende and Gohan peered at the figure soaring past them. Dende glanced at Gohan.

"Friend of yours? He waved at us." Dende stated. Gohan shrugged.

"Never seen anyone like that, he probably knows my dad. C'mon, let's keep moving. If we're late for school Chi-chi'll kill us. Dende nodded in agreement, and the two continued their journey.

* * *

Dende was surprised as he and Gohan landed at the edge of the Lookout. Mr. Popo had indeed been busy, the lookout was almost fixed. Gohan glanced around warily. It seemed odd for some reason.

"Mr. Popo! I'm home! Don't kill me, I'm just here to get some clothes!" Dende shouted. There was no reply. Spying something on the ground, Gohan walked over and picked it up.

"Hey Dende, what's an empty beer bottle doing here?" Gohan shouted. Dende shrugged. He was about to reply when Mr. Popo staggered out of the palace, arms laden with bottles. His eyes were red and his mouth hung halfway open. He was drooling. At the site of Dende and Gohan, his face turned up into an odd grin.

"K…Kammiiii-Ssssaaaaammmmaaaa!" Popo slurred. "You back so soon? Bring Po… popo more gifts?" Gohan and Dende glanced at each other, wondering what to make of the strangely acting Mr. Popo. Gohan scratched his head as Dende trotted up to Popo.

"Popo, what the heck are you talking about? This is the first I've been here today, and I didn't bring you any…" Dende sniffed the air around Mr. Popo. He threw his hands up in the air, glancing upward in a "why me?" sort of way. Gohan raised an eyebrow.

"Dende, what's…"

"Darn it Popo! You said you'd quit your heavy drinking habits! Remember? We attended that hypnotism class together! You, Piccolo, and me! And it worked beautifully! You never touched a bottle again! Why now? Hmmm?" The obviously drunken Popo looked confused.

"B…but… sir! You said that you were proud of me and that these were gifts! You were here… five minutes ago! You said I could drink all of these!" Popo swayed, off balance, and pointed at a pile of empty liquor bottles. "You said it was a reward!" Dende rolled his eyes.

"Sure I did Popo, whatever. I can't believe you broke into the liquor cabinet, you know that's only for Piccolo and guests. Popo didn't reply because by now he had passed out at Dende and Gohan's feet. They groaned in unison. Gohan sighed.

"Great, now we have to wait for him to recover from his hangover! We can't just go to school and leave him here! We'll have to go in late!" Gohan exclaimed, cursing. Dende shook his head.

"Nah, it'll be all right, we'll get him out of this quick. I used to have to do it all the time. You go throw him in the room of Spirit and Time, close the door, and let him out five seconds later. I'll go get some clothes. He'll be recovered, and then it's off to school!" Gohan grinned and nodded, dragging Popo away. Dende turned left and went off to get some clothes.

Dende returned five minutes later dressed in his standard outfit. He also had a pile of clothes in his hands for Gohan to try on. At the same time Dende arrived, Mr. Popo and Gohan walked out. Mr. Popo seemed to be recovered. Dende handed the clothes to Gohan.

"There ya go Gohan, go put those on. They're not what you'd normally wear, but it's either that or your nice smelly clothes." Gohan nodded and went into the room Dende had changed in. Dende glared at Popo, who was daydreaming. He sighed.

"Mr. Popo, I'm ashamed of you! You were doing so well! Why'd you start drinking again!" He shrieked. Mr. Popo sighed, and began sweating.

"I…I don't know sir! But I swear, you gave those drinks to me!"

"Popo, when I got here you were already drunk. I'll take a look around, and you go check the liquor cabinet. If I didn't give those drinks to you, then the contents of the cabinet should be empty." Popo nodded and skipped away, glad to avoid further questioning. Dende trotted over and examined a bottle.

"What the… this is Namek vintage wine! I know this isn't in the liquor cabinet or in my secret stash, or I'd have had some.

"DENDE!" Gohan's voice echoed from behind the dressing room's closed door. Dende picked up the bottle, sighed, and walked near the door.

"Yeah, what is it Gohan!" Dende yelled. Gohan's voice meekly rang from the door.

"Uhh… how do I put this on, anyway? I don't usually wear your clothes." Dende rolled his eyes.

"Figure it out Gohan, I have to talk with Popo some more!" Dende replied. Presently, Mr. Popo returned.

"Well sir, the cabinet is still locked, and everything seems accounted for." Dende nodded.

"I see. I found some booze we don't even have, or else I'd have… er, you'd have drunk it long ago! It's from Namek!" Dende held the bottle up to Mr. Popo. Popo shrugged. Dende nodded to Popo.

"Well, Gohan and I have to get to school, so we can figure out this mystery later. I'll be working on my dragon at Son Goku's house if you need me for anything." Mr. Popo smiled.

"Dragon?" He asked, peering at Dende with a glint of joy in his eyes.

"Yeah, it's really great! I'm making another set of Dragonballs! The only problem is that I'm not much of a sculptor, so the dragon really doesn't look like I want it to yet." Dende said, glad to find someone else who respected his handiwork. Popo continued grinning.

"I can make the dragon sir, I'm very good at that sort of thing!" He exclaimed. Dende thought about that a moment, and nodded. He pulled out the pencil sketch he had made before.

"Thanks Mr. Popo, that'll be a great help! It should look like this." Dende handed Mr. Popo the sketch, who took it and nodded.

"Okay sir! Thanks for giving me something to do!" Dende nodded and cocked his head at the dressing room's door..

"I have to go to school now, so drop it off at Son's house when you're done, okay?" Popo nodded as Gohan walked out. He was neatly attired in some of Dende's bigger clothes, the clothes Piccolo had made for him when he finally grew that extra foot or three. Gohan smiled.

"These are great Dende! I see what you mean about looseness!" Dende eyed Gohan up and down.

"Uh… Gohan, those are on backwards. But there's no time to change that, you look okay! Let's get to school, we're almost late!" Dende yelled. Gohan's eyes bulged out.

"Ah! Let's go! Mom'll kill me if we're late!" Before Dende could react Gohan grabbed Dende around the waist and tore off at his top speed, much faster then any speed Dende was able to attain.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY CRRRRRRAAAAPPPP-…" Dende's voice trailed off into the distance as Popo watched them turn into a distant dot and disappear. He hung his head, disappointed that he had broken down and gotten himself drunk after making so much progress. He then brightened, remembering something. He pulled off his turban, revealing a bottle of whiskey. Pulling out a shot-glass, he poured himself a drink before he went to work on the dragon.

* * *

Gohan was grinning, watching Dende remain absolutely still, seemingly staring at Orange Star High School in wonder.

  
"See Dende, this place doesn't look so bad, does it?" Gohan said, still smiling.

"G…Gohan… I can barely…m…move! I…t…t…think your speed…dis…dis…dislocated every bone in my body!" Dende sputtered between clenched teeth.

"Oh, don't worry, father taught me how to fix that!" Without warning Gohan grabbed Dende and twisted him in different positions. The cricking and cracking Dende's eyes watered and his teeth clenched so hard it looked as if his fangs would break off. Finally Gohan stopped and put Dende down, who collapsed and panted. Gohan dusted his hands off. "There, feel better Dende?" Gohan smiled. Dende moaned and sat up.

"Gohan, why don't you just leave the healing arts to me, okay?" Dende said, swinging his arms around in a windmill motion to get their feeling back. Gohan shrugged and nodded. He beckoned towards the school. Dende groaned as he rose to his feet, and followed Gohan into the school.

In the front of the first class, a young well-muscled T-shirt clad man was standing in front of the classroom. Dende and Gohan were sitting next to each other, as they had planned.

"OK CLASS!" The teacher boomed, "TODAY WE'RE GONNA LEARN ABOUT EVERYONE'S FAVORITE SUBJECT, REPRODUCTION!" Dende's antennae and ears perked up.

"All right!" Dende thought, "I'm finally going to learn where humans lay their eggs!" The rather detailed lesson began…

Forty minutes later, class was dismissed. Gohan walked out, then turned around to see Dende emerge from the classroom, his eyes wide open, sweat running down his forehead, and a shocked expression frozen on his face. He was hyperventilating, as if in a trance.

"Hey Dende, what's wrong?" Gohan asked. Dende turned and gazed up at Gohan, still breathing heavily and sweating. Gohan had never seen Dende so rattled.

"Y…you people are sick Gohan! Sick sick sick sick sick sick!" Dende exclaimed, then returned to his state before he had spoken. Gohan scratched his head and cleared his throat.

"I take it you're referring to your lesson about the… er… birds and bees?"

"AHHH! MENTAL PICTURE FORMING! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" Dende exclaimed. Gohan rolled his eyes as the two continued down the hallway.

* * *

Gohan swung open the door and entered the Son household. Dende followed, noting that Gohan looked very nervous. He eased the door shut as soundlessly as possible, but Chi-chi confronted them as they entered the kitchen. She greeted them with a smile.

"Gohan! How did you do in school today!" She exclaimed brightly. Dende noticed Gohan looking at the ground.

"I…I got an F on my finals, mom. I won't be going to college." He said sadly. Dende looked up and noticed Chi-chi's mouth hanging wide open. Then her teeth slowly ground together as she glared at Gohan. She rolled up her sleeves.

"That's it! It's time for a bit of corporal punishment!" She yelled, rearing up and, to Dende's surprise, knocking Gohan out with one punch. She turned to glance at Dende with an eerie grin.

"Well well, I don't want you healing my son, and he didn't get any F's before, so…" Dende backed into the corner, beginning to sweat as he noticed the look in Chi-chi's eyes. Chi-chi advanced, brandishing a butcher's knife behind her back. Five minutes later, Goku walked in just as Chi-chi was putting a covered platter in the oven. A green finger hung just slightly out from under the cover.

"Hey Chi-chi! What's up! And why is this purple stained robe lying on the counter?" Chi-chi threw the platter into the oven and slammed it shut, turning to look at Goku in surprise.

"Uh, I just spilled some grape juice on a rag! Yeah!" Chi-chi smiled. Goku scratched his head.

"Okay. Gee, something smells good, what are you making for dinner? And where's Dende?" Chi-chi gulped.

"UHHH… He went back to the lookout! And this? This is a dish I read about in a special cookbook, um… uh… Namek Loaf!" Goku licked his lips.

"Sounds good! Call me when it's done!"

* * *

Gohan glanced at Dende, trying to be inconspicuous. Sitting in the desk next to him, Dende was slumped over, snoring softly. Gohan noticed he was sweating quite a bit, as if having a nightmare. Gohan considered waking Dende up. The history teacher, lecturing on in the front of the class hadn't noticed yet, but if he did…

"No…don't…cook…" Dende mumbled. Gohan scratched his head. He leaned over.

"Dende? Are you awa-?" Gohan began but was cut off as Dende jolted upright, awake, screaming,

"NO GOKU! DON'T EAT MEEEEEE!" The teacher stopped in his lecture as he and the rest of the class turned around and stared at Dende. Dende blinked. Gohan had his head in his arms, trying vainly not to laugh. Dende grinned sheepishly. "Uh… is what Mr. Satan said to Cell right before he defeated him, thereby saving the world. Is that the um… heh heh, er… answer?" Fortunately, moments before the entire class busted into laughter, the dismissal bell rang, and the students tore out of the room at top speed. Dende used his short size to blend in with the crowd and slipped out of the classroom. He looked around for Gohan, then stopped as his ears perked up at the sound of Gohan's voice. Dende leaned around the corner and peered at Gohan hastily talking to the history teacher.

"I'm sorry sir, he's just a foreign exchange student living with me, he'll only be here for a day…"

"Are you sure? He seems a bit… weird." Dende's eyes widened. He rolled up his sleeves and stormed back into the room, much to Gohan and the history teacher's surprise. Dende launched into a verbal tirade, screaming and raising his arms.

"WEIRD? WEIRD?! I HAPPEN TO BE GOD OF THIS PLANET, BUSTER! AND I'M NORMAL! YOU DON'T SEE ME REPRODUCING IN SUCH SICKENING-…" Dende stopped his tirade, realization slowly dawning on what he was saying. A new mental picture formed in his mind, courtesy of his previous health class. For not the first time that day, Dende felt very nauseated. Gohan slapped himself on the forehead, and the teacher looked flustered.

"What's he saying? What's that about being god?" The teacher said. Gohan gulped, and Dende began chattering away in Namekian. Gohan took the ball and ran with it.

"Uh, sorry sir, he's having a little trouble grasping the language so he's telling me what he meant, I know his language… I think what he means to say is that you're so smart, you could be god! Yeah!" Gohan said. To add emphasis, Dende clapped his hands together, grinned the way A not very bright child, or Son Goku would, and nodded to Gohan, even as he mumbled something slightly vulgar under his breath.

"And what was that about the back seat of a Chevy?" The teacher asked as Gohan dragged Dende out the door. Gohan leaned his head back in.

"He said that he's going to vote for you, in his country the teacher that impresses a foreign exchange student the most gets a free Chevrolet Truck!" The classroom door slammed shut.

Dende followed Gohan as he led the way to the next class. Dende and Gohan both leaned against a locker and wiped the sweat off their foreheads. Dende twiddled his fingers and grinned.

Thanks for getting me out of that Gohan, I keep forgetting that the "big picture" isn't really known by most of the people on Earth…" Gohan nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, who knows how the world would react if they knew a green skinned pointy eared midget was god?" Dende stopped and glanced at him.

"Hey, be nice, I'll let that one slide because you got me out of there." Gohan grinned.

"Sorry Dende, it's hard to resist, but I'm sure you can come up with a bunch of monkey jokes to use on me!" Gohan said brightly. Dende scowled. "Huh? What'd I say?" Dende groaned, remembering something unpleasant.

"Well, once I accidentally told Kaio-Sama (King Kai) that his jokes were really funny in an attempt to be polite, I mean he does outrank me in the big scheme of things, right?" Gohan turned and cocked his gaze on Dende.

"So your point is…"

"He kept me up the whole night telling me jokes telepathically. I finally told him that Piccolo needed to send a message to Namek just so he would shut up." Gohan nodded.

"Yeah, he did that to father once. I wonder if we should just band together and tell him his jokes are really, really bad." Dende shook his head.

"Nah, I'm sure the time will come when we can use him against our enemies. I bet Freezer would've cracked in five hours if we just got Kaio to start rattling his jokes off one by one. Hey, that's not a bad idea… maybe next time some super villain comes, I can save the Earth!" Gohan shrugged.

"I doubt it, but you're welcome to try. I hate fighting." Dende nodded.

"By the way Gohan, what's chemistry? You told me that it's our next class." Dende said suddenly. Gohan nodded.

"Oh yeah, we're having a lab today. Don't worry and I'll take care of everything, and we'll get an A. We just have to make a chemical reaction or something like that. Remember not to touch anything." Gohan warned. Dende nodded, even while thinking

"Me? Not touch anything? He doesn't know me very well, does he…"

* * *

**C vs. D**

**"I can't think of anything funny to say. Dangit."**

**Chapter 4: Never touch the purple and pink bottle**

**By Cremrock**

The teacher stared at the two of them as they entered the classroom. A green skinned antennae-headed person wasn't the most common of sights, and they were both wearing the same odd white robe and purple/maroon vest.

"Gee, you two have some weird clothing on today, don't you know we have a lab?" The teacher took no notice as Dende glared at the mention of the clothing.

"These clothes aren't weird, they're just different!" Dende muttered under his breath while looking down. Gohan grinned.

"Uh, these are special lab coats sir, not weird clothes. You see last year at his old school my friend," Gohan paused, pointing at Dende, who rolled his eyes. "Had an accident with some green chemicals, and well… his family doesn't want him in any more accidents, so they paid for the clothes…" The teacher nodded.

"What about the antennae? Are those part of the accident?" This teacher was far more observant then the other teachers had been. Gohan's eyes widened as he stiffened, but Dende came to the rescue with a well thought out reply, he had been waiting for someone to point that out. He shrugged.

"You see sir, I'm a child actor. They're making a movie about the crisis when that Demon Piccolo came around a few decades ago. I'm playing him when he was a kid, even though they just made up his childhood. The shoot's right after this class, so that's why I look like I do." The teacher nodded, deciding that the answer was the best he'd get.

"Alright then, take your seats you two, class is about to begin. You'll have thirty minutes to make a chemical reaction, ok?" They nodded, turned and walked to the empty table, which had several beakers, test tubes, and bottles of chemicals. Gohan sat down and immediately began mixing chemicals, while Dende watched with interest. Finally, after thirty minutes or so, Dende wanted to participate. He picked up a neglected bottle of purple and pink liquid.

"Hey Gohan, what's this do?" Dende raised his bottle into Gohan's line of sight. Gohan shrugged.

"I don't know Dende, but don't touch it, I've almost got this chemical reaction done!"

"But Gohan… where's your sense of adventure? You're the one who's fought every evil we've ever faced…"

"Dende, I'm telling you, don't do it, we don't know what'll happen!" Unfortunately, Dende wasn't ready to take no for an answer, and even as Gohan was saying these words he was pouring a few quick drops into Gohan's test tube. The mixture bubbled up even as Gohan shouted, "NO!"

With an audible poof, a spout of purple gas suddenly erupted from the tube. Dende managed to leap off to the side, but Gohan inhaled the gas cloud, shook a bit, and fell to the ground, unconscious. Dende gasped.

"Wahhh! Gohan!" He screamed, dashing to his side. By now the class had crowded around the section Dende and Gohan were in. The teacher barreled into the crowd. "Stand back, give him some breathing room!" Dende screamed, commandingly. Gohan's eyes fluttered open momentarily. Dende stood over him.

"Hey Gohan, how many fingers am I holding up?" Dende said, holding open his hand.

"F…four, plus the thumb." Gohan replied dreamily. Dende nodded.

"Okay, what's your name?"

"S…Son Gohan…" Dende smiled.

"Good, you haven't lost your memory. Now, who am I?" Dende said, leaning down. Gohan blinked dreamily again. That was an easy question…

Dende's eyes bulged out as Gohan stood up, crushing the Namek in a colossal bear hug, as Gohan screamed at the top of his lungs in a high pitch, " MR. PICCOLO!!!!" Dende gasped, trying very hard to breathe.

"Urk… I… Gasp… Can't breathe…" Dende's face shaded down in it's green hue, getting paler and paler. Gohan finally let go and grabbed Dende's hands while Dende was still struggling to breathe, light headed. "HEY PICCOLO! DANCE WITH ME! I'VE MADE A NEW SONG!" Gohan screamed, swinging Dende around and beginning the lyrics of Piccolo-San Daisuki (I like Mr. Piccolo, See The World's Strongest if you readers don't know this one…) Dende screamed as Gohan swung him off the ground and around and around multiple times. Gohan was swinging him around so fast, if he let go he'd go flying.

"HEEEEEELLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEE!" Dende wailed, hanging on for dear life. At this very moment, the lunch bell rang, and the class, eager to eat and socialize, ignored Dende and charged out the door. The chemistry teacher threw off his glasses, rolled up his sleeves, and barreled forward heroically, but Dende's legs slammed into the teacher's face with a loud crack and the teacher flew back, unconscious. Dende screamed again and again as Gohan's song continued, still flying around and around. Still gathering a few thoughts, Dende desperately sent a telepathic message to his friends.

* * *

Son Goku stood up from the park bench, where he had been relaxing since his turn on Who wants to weigh a million pounds wasn't for a few hours. His eyes narrowed in determination. He clenched a fist.

"Dende's in trouble! I'd better go rescue…" Goku stopped as he noticed an airplane carrying a banner. He read it, hypnotized. "New, Joe's Chicken Restaurant… grand opening… FREE SAMPLES?!" Forgetting his previous thoughts, Goku flew off at top speed for the new chicken restaurant.

* * *

At the Capsule Corporation, Vegeta awoke from his afternoon nap as Dende's message hammered in his head. He was not happy.

"Blast! That little god is in trouble! If I don't go save him I won't get any sleep at all!" Taking two steps off the balcony, Vegeta catapulted into the air, flying at top speed for Orange Star High school.

* * *

A short distance away from the school, Kulilin was out shopping for a gift for No. 18. He heard Dende's telepathic call and nodded.

"Don't worry Dende, I'm coming to save you!" Kulilin said, blasting away into the distance.

* * *

As Vegeta neared the High School, he heard a voice echoing in his ears. He stopped for a moment.

"Eh? What's that sound?" He narrowed his eyes as he heard the voice again, listening intently. "Hey, that's odd, I sense a large ki flying towards me and it's coming with a speed so fast it must be really hard to sto-" With a loud clunk, Kulilin collided with Vegeta in mid-air. They both fell to the ground, unconscious.

* * *

Somewhere at Orange Star elementary, Goten and Trunks looked up from their first grade recess as Dende's voice passed over them. The inseparable pair looked at each other.

"Hey Trunks! Dende's in trouble!" Goten said, standing up slowly. Trunks nodded.

"You're right Goten! But it's almost time to take our Ritalin! (No offense to the people that require this medicine, but Goten and Trunks are awfully hyperactive children…) We'd better fuse and go save him!" They both assumed the fusion pose and began the dance, but at the last moment Trunks tripped over a stray kickball just as they got to the "HA" part. A brilliant flash of light appeared for a moment. A second later, Fat Gotenks stood where the two of them had previously been.

"Oh crap! Not again! How am I going to get there fast enough to save him now!" He said in his combination of Trunks and Goten's voices. A light bulb went off in Gotenks' head. He glanced down at his rotund belly. Powering up to Super Saiya-jin, he staggered up a hill, fell down and started rolling to Orange Star High school.

Piccolo was out in front of city hall, still waving his arm around, now with the support of several teenagers. He sighed as Dende's voice reached him.

"Bah, I can't help him out, I'm too busy!" He thought. Inconspicuously, his left hand balled into a fist, and he punched himself in the side of the head. "Hey Nail, quit it!" He said aloud. Nail's voice pounded in his head.

"No way Piccolo! I happen to be fond of that little guy, and I don't want him getting hurt. Besides, we have that class at the school we have to teach this afternoon, remember?" Piccolo started arguing with Nail, not noticing a low rumbling sound steadily getting louder.

"Shut up Nail! I'll go to school when it's time! Dende doesn't need my help!"

"Make me! I don't even know why you should help, you were such a brilliant bodyguard the first time Dende was in trouble…"

"Uh guys…" The voice of Kami butted in.

"SHUT UP OLD MAN!" They both screamed together.

"But guys, that rumbling is getting…"

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Piccolo screamed. A shadow passed over Piccolo.

"HEY LOOK OUT!" Gotenks voice resounded, snapping Piccolo out of his mental argument. Piccolo turned just as Gotenks was about to roll over him. Although the three personalities of Piccolo were at odds at times, they all spoke simultaneously.

"OH SH-!" Piccolo was cut off as Gotenks rolled over him, knocking him unconscious. Gotenks rolled a few more feet, then got wedged next to a fire hydrant and stopped. He flailed his stubby legs and arms, but was unable to touch the ground.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Gotenks wailed.

* * *

The world continued to be a blur as Dende hurtled through the air, screaming. Gohan still had the dreamy look on his face, and still was swinging Dende around and around. Dende was beginning to think he was going to keep swinging around and around until he fell apart, or until Gohan finally let go and he'd break his neck off of one of the many cabinets around the room.

"AREN'T YOU HAVING FUN MR. PICCOLO!" Gohan yelled, the same stupid grin on his face. Dende's life started flashing before his eyes. That was when he felt his grip slipping even more.

At this very moment outside, Tenshinhan, Chaotzu, Yamucha, and Bulma were charging into the school. They had all heard Dende's cry for help, and had all met before flying (well, Yamucha carried Bulma.) to the school. The office secretary's eyes lit up as she stared at the combination of a three eyed shirtless man, a person that looked like a china doll, the owner of the Capsule Corporation, and a guy who's face was so scarred, he looked like a mobster. 

Tenshinhan pounded a fist on the office counter.

"Quick! We need to know what class Son Gohan and Dende… Dende…" Tenshinhan glanced back at Yamucha, Chaotzu, and Bulma, training an eye on each of them. They had all been waiting patiently behind him. "Hey guys, anyone know what Dende's last name is?" Tenshinhan asked quickly. The three of them shrugged. The secretary looked flustered.

"Um, I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you until you put a shirt on… and I'm not sure if I can give you that information… let me get the principal, he'll be right out." The secretary dashed away, leaving Tenshinhan and the gang alone with their thoughts. Tenshinhan cursed and glanced around, looking for something to put on. Chaotzu took his hat off and scratched his head. He glanced at Tenshinhan and Yamucha.

"Hey guys, ever give any thought about getting married? Heck, everyone else we know has done it." Yamucha shrugged. Tenshinhan stared.

"Well gee Chaotzu, I never really thought about it, is it because I'm not wearing a shirt? It doesn't seem like that good of an idea, but we do spend a lot of…" Chaotzu cut him off, scowling.

"I meant to other women, lunkhead! Has that third eye been shorting out your brain again? Honestly, just because everyone claims that we have a relationship doesn't make it true!" Chaotzu shrieked. Tenshinhan nodded. Yamucha glanced at Bulma and sighed.

"Well, I know someone that I thought about getting married to, but she dumped me for some spiky haired freak. I wonder who that could be?" Yamucha piped in. Tenshinhan and Chaotzu stared as Bulma turned away from the three of them, scowling. Chaotzu took on a serious expression.

"Yamucha, you were going to get married to Chi-chi?" Chaotzu asked. Yamucha slapped himself on the forehead.

"You know Chaotzu, all those years living away from civilization must really be grating on your intelligence. I meant Vegeta, dummy!" Chaotzu's eyes widened in shock as he glanced at Bulma.

"Bulma! You married Vegeta, that Saiya-jin?" Bulma glanced up at the ceiling, and nodded, even while Tenshinhan and Yamucha fell over.

"Chaotzu, where the heck have you been, anyway? We're not only married, we have an eight year old son, Trunks! Don't you remember?" Bulma said, exasperated. Chaotzu glared at Tenshinhan, who by now was trying vainly to see one of those magic eye poster puzzles. Chaotzu threw up his hands.

"Well gee, I didn't know, Mr. Don't-go-with-me-you're-too-weak never tells me anything! Never mind the fact that he just sat on his butt and got the crap beaten out of him by Cell and Buu. Then he left me sitting there wondering what the hell was going on when suddenly FWOOM, the planet exploded." Tenshinhan was about to reply when the secretary returned, leading a gray-haired suit attired man to the counter. The principal stared at the four of them, not quite sure what to make of them. The richest person in the world and a three-eyed man weren't exactly a common sight. He cleared his throat.

"Ahem… well now, what business do the four of you have with the school?" Tenshinhan was about to repeat his previous demand, but Yamucha stepped forward.

"Yeah sir, we need to know which classroom Son Gohan and Dende… well we don't know his last name… anyway which classroom are they in, it's an emergency!" The principal nodded.

"I see… are you their registered guardians?" Yamucha looked pained. The principal frowned. "I repeat… are you the registered guardians of Son Gohan and Dende Melville?" Chaotzu's eyes went wide for a moment. Yamucha eyed the principal.

"Dende's last name is Melville?" The principal nodded.

"Yes sir, anyway, are you their adopted guardians?" Yamucha thought vainly, trying to think of an excuse, when Bulma produced two documents and stepped forward. She smiled at the principal. The principal seemed to be off guard.

"We sure are sir, see for yourself." Bulma said sweetly. The principal glanced at the documents. He gasped in surprise as he realized they were the real deal, then regained his composure.

"All right, they're in room B-107. Come back once you've dealt with your emergency so we can verify you were here and haven't harmed them." The gang nodded, and dashed outside the office. In the hall, Chaotzu started laughing.

"Who'd have thought Dende's last name was Melville, anyway?" He asked. At this the group fell over laughing hysterically. Tenshinhan regained his senses first and glanced at Bulma.

"Hey Bulma, how'd you get those documents anyway, hmmm?" Bulma grinned.

"You don't think the capsule corporation became the biggest company in the world through shrewd marketing campaigns, do you? We've got organized crime connections, like any big time company today." Bulma glanced up at the ceiling, smiling. "Ah Mafia hitmen, how many times have you saved my…" Yamucha interrupted.

"Hurry guys, we have to go save Dende! Then we have to run back here so I can get that secretary's phone number!" Chaotzu and the rest nodded. Tearing off at a run, the four followed the signs on the wall that led to the B-section of the school. They skidded to a stop at an intersecting hallway. Tenshinhan, the leader, glanced around frantically.

Bulma pointed at a door in the distance. Shouting, "There! That's room B-107!" The group dashed towards the door.

By now, Dende couldn't see anything but a big blur. He was still swinging around and around, and it was bringing back unfond memories of the time Gohan had taken him to the amusement park following the defeat of Cell. Actually he didn't remember much of it, except for the part where his long clothing had gotten stuck in the Tilt-a-whirl and the unobservant operator had inadvertently flipped the switch, giving Dende a "bonus ride". Unfortunately, this was ten times worse. Dende found his blurred vision coalescing into a picture of him newly hatched, being held in some Namek or other's arms. It then cut to a view of his many two year old adventures, walking into cactuses, sitting down on pointy objects, and howling with glee while watching Nail get clawed up and mauled while fending off the pack of ravenous Namekian wolves that Dende had stupidly stumbled into, wanting to pet the "doggies." (Yeah I know it's not great, but they did have frogs, who's to say there aren't any animals like this on Namek?)

_Oh great._ Dende thought. _I'm having flashbacks of my childhood, and that usually only happens when you're about to…_

"HEY MR. PICCOLO! WANNA GO FASTER?" Gohan shouted, interrupting Dende from his thoughts.

"NO!" Dende shouted desperately.

"YES? OK, YOU GOT IT!" Gohan powered up to Super Saiya-jin and started twirling around Dende even more. Dende began to feel Gohan's grip on him slipping slowly.

I didn't even get to finish my dragonballs! Oh yeah, I guess I didn't get to deal with that brother thing either. Dende thought again. He inhaled, preparing to scream for help one last time.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!" Dende's voice resounded from the other side of the locked classroom door. Tenshinhan, Yamucha, and Chaotzu were all standing around Bulma, who was attempting to jimmy the door open with one of her gold plated credit cards. Tenshinhan cupped his hands around his mouth.

"WE'RE COMING DENDE! HANG ON!" He shouted back. Yamucha had now joined in with Bulma, and the two were now arguing over the best way to get the door open. Bulma raised her chin defiantly.

"Yamucha, quit it. I'm telling you, I can get the door unlocked the fastest, I am the smartest person in the world!" She said matter of factly. While Yamucha and Bulma continued their argument, Tenshinhan stepped forward and grasped the door knob. He glanced back at Bulma and Yamucha wryly.

"Hey Bulma… I think I found something wrong with your you're the smartest person in the world routine." Bulma glared at him.

"Yeah right three eyes, what could you know about this door that I don't?" She said, angred.

"Well, for one thing, this door was never locked." Tenshinhan grinned. He twisted the doorknob as the door swung open. Bulma groaned as Tenshinhan and Chaotzu chuckled, stepping through the door.

Gohan slowed down, noticing the four of them as they entered. Dende still hung from Gohan's grip, but now he could see and had some of his wits back. Gohan grinned.

"Dad! Kulilin! Mom! Dende! You all came to play with Mr. Piccolo and me too?" Dende hung from Gohan's grip, his feet a few inches off the ground. Taking advantage of Gohan's distraction, he started swinging left and right, trying to free himself. Tenshinhan stepped forward.

"Gohan, let Dende go!" He said seriously. Gohan glanced down at Dende.

"What are you talking about? Dende's standing right beside you! I'm holding Mr. Piccolo! I'm gonna throw him at top speed now, he wants to play catch!"

"NO I DON'T!" Dende shrieked. Yamucha stepped forward as well, standing besides Tenshinhan.

"Gohan, don't throw Mr. Piccolo! He's uh… getting sick and… oh the hell with it!" Yamucha dashed forward and prepared to do the only attack he knew that could be remotely capable of hurting Gohan, who was in a much higher league then the rest of them. He leaned back, preparing to perform it for the first time in his life.

"Wild Wolf… Groin Kick attack!" Tenshinhan glanced up at the incredibly bright fluorescent school lights. He pulled Yamucha back before he could dash forward and finish the attack.

"Let me handle this, Yamucha. Taiyoken!" Tenshinhan fanned his hands in front of his face, and a bright light radiated from him, blinding Gohan and Dende. Gohan crumpled to the ground, while Dende stood up and rubbed his eyes, trying to get his vision back. Despite his extreme joy at being alive, he was incredibly cranky after being swung around and around, blinded, and dropped. He started yelling profanities. Bulma leaned over Gohan, ignoring Dende's swearing. She looked back at the four of them.

"Hey Tenshinhan, I don't know why your attack did that, but you just knocked him out! I don't see how, oh wait a second… Dende, what did this to Gohan?" Dende blinked once or twice more, able to see again, and glanced at Bulma.

"It was some purple and pink stuff, I think. I uh… accidentally poured it in Gohan's chemical mixture. There was some kind of explosion, and he got a full whiff of the gas that came out. By the way, thanks for saving me."

"Hey Bulma, is this it?" Chaotzu pointed at a purple and pink bottle he was holding, which he had just picked up off the floor. He tossed it to Bulma, who caught it and turned it around, reading the label.

"Let's see… Aha! Just as I thought! This stuff makes crazy things happen to people, and the only real way to cure it, other than waiting, is to expose the sufferer to a really intense, bright light! Good work Tenshinhan!" Yamucha sighed.

"Dang, and I really wanted to use my new attack… can I do it on you, Tenshinhan?" Tenshinhan looked startled, and stepped back.

"No way! I heard what the name of that attack was!" Tenshinhan replied. Bulma ignored them, smiling at Dende.

"Well Dende, Gohan'll probably wake up in a few minutes, we should probably go before he wakes up, it'll just complicate things. Dende nodded.

"Thanks again, guys. I guess this day can't get any worse… I'll treat you all to a drink next time you visit the Lookout, okay?" Tenshinhan and co. laughed, nodded, and left. Yamucha, last in the line walking out, turned around and glanced at Dende.

"Hey Dende, before we go, can I ask two quick questions?" Yamucha said. Dende nodded and smiled.

"Sure, ask away, what's up?"

"Is your last name really Melville?" Dende stiffened as he heard the name, his smile rapidly disappearing. He glared at Yamucha.

"What the… WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!" Dende demanded. Yamucha shrugged.

"The principal said it was your last name, I just thought it was curious!" Dende groaned.

"My last name isn't really Melville, I don't have a last name. I just needed one to put on tax returns and stuff like that! OK? Please don't call me that, I really hate that name." Yamucha nodded.

"Okay, and do you think you can do me a favor and spy on this schools secretary using your god powers and tell me if she likes me?" Dende's eyes rolled at the odd request. Fortunately Yamucha didn't seem to notice.

"Uh, sure, whatever you want." Dende said, sighing.

"Thanks a lot…Melville!" Yamucha said as he dashed after Tenshinhan and the gang, even as Dende screamed a Namek swear word out the door, realizing what Yamucha had called him.

A few minutes later, Gohan had awakened, and Dende filled him in on the whole Mr. Piccolo fiasco. Not surprisingly, Gohan's only recollection of it was that he did recall dreaming about something. Dende sighed, told him that it wasn't important anymore, and the two walked out of the room en route to lunch. Somewhere amid the wreckage of the room, the chemistry teacher moaned.

* * *

**"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You... you... **

**Chapter 5:**

It was now lunchtime, or rather, ten minutes after lunch had already begun. Gohan stared at Dende over the huge pile of food on his tray. Dende glanced down the counter, talking to himself.

"Let's see… milk…apple juice… lemonade… orange juice… water… well, I've got one of every beverage on the menu! Guess I'm set!" Gohan glanced at Dende.

"Is that all you're getting?" He asked, snatching up three more rolls and adding them to his tower of food. Dende grinned.

"Yep! I don't normally eat but I've worked up one heck of a thirst, and these various juices and things looked good." Unfortunately, Dende was not to get off as easily as he thought. He marched up to the cash register and put his tray on the side. The cafeteria lady squinted at Dende's choices, and then glared back down at him. Dende gulped.

"Now kid, I need to have a talk with you. First off, you're not fat. Eating the right things will keep you at your nice slim self. At your age the last thing a growing body needs is a lack of food… a healthy diet should consist of some vegetables, meat, fruits, lots of grains… " The cafeteria lady continued talking as Dende motioned Gohan over. He bent down to Dende's eye level.

"Psst! Gohan, what the heck is this lady carrying on about?" Dende whispered. The lady didn't notice, as her eyes were closed, as she recited a speech she had reserved for this day. Gohan caught drift of some of the things the lady was saying, and whispered back to Dende.

"I think she thinks that you think that you're fat and have an eating disorder, and that's why you're not ordering any food." Dende sighed, and glanced up at the lady, who was waiting expectantly. He nodded.

"Fine ma'am… I'll uh… take two of those. What are they?" Dende pointed at a section of the counter that contained several biscuits. The cashier rolled her eyes.

"Those are rolls kid, you can't get away with just those, you need more sustenance to grow and thrive!" The cashier replied angrily. Dende sighed again. He pointed where a few errant cups of jello were.

"I'll take three of those too. How's that?" Dende asked, still confused. Eating was a complicated task for the young Namek. The cafeteria lady began to turn red. She was obviously quite angry.

"You can't have a good diet consisting of rolls and jell-o!" She screamed. Dende took a step backwards, surprised. He decided to take a stand.

"Look, I don't see what's so hard about this!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. While the cafeteria lady retorted and the two began arguing, Gohan stepped in carrying a salisbury steak, a chef salad, and some macaroni and cheese. While they continued their fight he snuck in and put the food on Dende's tray. The lady prepared to counter again when she glanced down at Dende's tray and smiled.

"Good choice kid, two rolls, jell-o, good drinks, vegetables, and a main course! You're well on your way to becoming a healthy individual again!" Dende froze, obviously not expecting this response. He glanced down as his eyes widened.

"What the…"

"That'll be five zeni, kid!" The lady replied cheerfully. Not wanting to get stuck in another argument, Dende paid the woman and walked forward a few steps, waiting for the cafeteria lady to ring up all of Gohan's food. Dende glanced down at his tray, scowling.

"I don't even know what this is…" He muttered. Behind him, Gohan grinned, and paid the cafeteria lady fifty zeni. His grin complementing Dende's frown, he led his friend to a pair of vacant seats.

* * *

Having finished his meal and wishing he had more, Gohan chuckled as Dende continued to entertain him. Funny thing was, Dende wasn't trying to be funny, and hadn't taken any notice of Gohan's laughter. Gohan continued watching as Dende dug into a roll with a spork and hesitantly tore a piece off. Gohan decided to help his friend out.

"Uh, Dende? You commonly just shove the roll in your mouth and chew… use that spork on your steak!" Gohan pointed at the steak so Dende could tell his food apart. Dende glanced up from his chore and glared.

"This isn't very easy Gohan! Why must this be so complicated? I don't even want to eat!" Gohan scratched his head.

"Why don't you want to eat Dende, surely you can manage to choke this stuff down, it's the first time in the last year, right? Besides, you might like it." Dende looked pained as his eyes softened.  
_"And you might grow a little too." _He thought, chuckling lightly in his mind.

Dende glanced at Gohan, unconvinced, but took a small bite out of his steak. Suddenly his eyes bulged. Gohan gulped.

"HOLY COW!"

"Dende? What's wrong?"

"This is really good! Who'd have thought we Nameks hadn't discovered this! Eating's great!" With that, he savagely attacked his roll, gobbling it down with one gulp.

"I told you so, Dende!" Dende scarcely acknowledged him and began to attack his steak. Suddenly he stopped and stared at Gohan.

"What's this steak made of?" He asked.

"Ummm…. Cow…" Gohan replied. Dende blinked and began to cry softly. Gohan recalled the huge respect Nameks had for plants and animals and all living things. He felt sorry for his friend. "Awww… Dende… ummm… it's already dead… you didn't kill it." Dende looked up and wiped his eyes.

"I don't know… it's just the principal of eating something that was killed… and… and…" He glanced down at the steak and unconsciously licked his lips. "And… But… it's…" Gohan observed as Dende's hand began to shake and slowly edge towards the steak, as he began to glance down at it again. "And… And… ah, the hell with it, I'll wish the cow back to life later." He finished, savagely stuffing the steak into his mouth. A few moments later, he was finished. "You're sure there aren't any unfortunate side effects to eating?" He asked. Gohan shook his head.

"Nothing really Dende, I just wish you had asked me, I could have helped. Take a look at this!" Gohan reached into his backpack and pulled out a small box, handing it to Dende. Dende traced a finger over the huge neon letters. He glanced up at Gohan, bewilderment on his face.

"Saiya-jin survival kit? What the heck is this?" He asked, curious. Gohan grinned, then his face became a mask of pain as he groaned.

"Oh, it's a good thing I brought that today, hand it back okay? I need to use it." Dende scratched his head and handed the kit back to Gohan, who unhooked the latch and threw it open. Dende glanced inside at the contents. His eyes narrowed, as his expression became tight lipped. He gazed up at Gohan.

"Why am I not surprised?" He said icily.

Gohan rummaged around the kit, rearranging six bottles of pepto bismol, an economy size roll of rolaids, and various other medicines designed to treat indigestion or heartburn until he finally pulled his hand out, clutching a bottle of antacid tablets. He popped the top open and downed twenty of them before closing the bottle, putting it back in his kit and closing the lid. Dende gasped.

"What's wrong Dende? I feel a lot better now that I took my medicine." Dende stood still, completely taken aback.

"Gohan… you're only supposed to take two of those! Not twenty!" Dende exclaimed. Gohan smiled, then looked alarmed, realizing that he had lied to his friend, and hoping Dende didn't catch on that he was witnessing a side effect to eating this very moment…

"Don't worry about it Dende, Saiya-jin metabolism is so fast that we pretty much have to multiply the dose of any medicine we take by ten." Dende rolled his eyes.

"Oh. I was wondering why this kit was so big. Hey, isn't it about time for the next class? What is it?" Gohan smiled, putting away his kit.

"It's one of my favorites, but it's usually boring. It's home economics! I hear we're having a guest speaker come in and tell us the right way to make clothes look stylish. I wonder who it is?" Gohan's eyes betrayed his delight. Dende gulped.

"I don't know Gohan, I'm not very good at making clothes, and I really hate boring things! Why do you think I've been wearing the same outfit for ten years?" Dende stood up and swept his hands over his outfit, acknowledging himself. Gohan shrugged.

"Don't worry Dende, you'll do fine. Maybe we'll even be able to make you something new to wear, and if not I'm sure my mother will take us to the clothing store." Gohan stood up and threw his tray into a garbage can twenty feet away. Dende threw his and it bounced off the rim and cracked the plaster on the wall. He gulped.

"Ahhhhh…. Come on, we'd better get going since I think I just heard the bell ring." With that he dashed out the entrance to the cafeteria. Gohan shrugged, and followed happily, glad to be going to his home economics class.

Little did the two know just how interesting the guest speaker was going to be…

* * *

The two of them found a table with two empty seats, and sat down. Dende glanced around and noticed that the class was filled with girls, and that Gohan was the only guy. Dende thought about it, and shrugged. Gohan grinned and turned around, conversing with the girls. The one sitting behind him, a blond with two pigtails (alright, it's not very original, but I'm a writer, not a hair stylist! ) smiled.

"So Tia (This isn't a knock against anyone who may have this name, it was chosen in memory of my dear deceased dog, who passed away a week before this was written.), any idea who the special guest is today?" The girl who was quite obviously named Tia smiled brightly.

"Gohan, he's half the reason we all signed up for this class! We all want to meet him! I hope he's here soon! He's sooooo awesome!" Gohan scratched his head.

"The whole class wants to meet him? Who could be such a popular guy? Mr. Satan?" Tia giggled.

"No, you'll see silly, it's…" From behind him, Dende kicked his legs up onto the table and started laughing hysterically, even as the girls who had been watching the front of the room all started talking at once.

"Piccolo!"

"He's here!"

"Yo! Piccolo-san! Over here!"

"Marry me!"

Gohan's jaw dropped. He turned to be faced with his mentor, who was frozen stiff and staring at Dende and Gohan. He also had a sewing machine perched on one of his shoulder guards. A bead of sweat trickled down his face. He groaned.

"Uh… I don't suppose you two are in the wrong class? Are you?" Piccolo murmured softly. Gohan was still too stunned to speak, but Dende laughed.

"No, sorry, this is where we should be… Piccolo-saaaaan… Dende said sarcastically, trying to sound like one of the girls in the class. He put his head in his arms and laughed some more. Piccolo struggled to maintain his composure. After all, he had a home economics class to teach. He sighed and sat down behind the desk at the front of the room, and glared at Dende. Dende knew that glare. He shut his mouth quickly. Piccolo smirked, then launched into a five minute lecture about the importance of sewing buttons onto clothing. After he finished there was a pause. No one spoke.

"So now we know what good buttons do. Are there any questions?" Everyone in the class except Dende and Gohan raised their hands. Piccolo sighed.

"Keeping in mind I already explained that I can't get married, go out with any of you, or anything like that." Slowly, the girls sighed and lowered their hands. Dende choked out another laugh. Piccolo smiled.

Author's comment: (Okay. Before I go any further, I wish to explain a little something, even though this is probably the longest comment I'm going to put in this whole story. This is NOT intended to be a shot at all you ladies who like/love Piccolo. Nor do I believe any of you are like the (Admittedly slightly stereotyped) people made up above. Neither is it a shot at all the female Namek stories I've seen out there. Without all of you there wouldn't be many of the quality Piccolo/Namek websites, art, and stories that are so well done. Your sites have kept me laughing , informed me, and otherwise told me every little tidbit I ever needed to know about Piccolo (real handy when writing a fanfic) Also, without all of you, let's face it, there would be very few pictures of Piccolo doing what he usually does best, kicking butt and taking care of Gohan (Grr… he could have thrown himself in front of Dende! Er… Forget that last part. ^_^). You all also write tons of quality fanfics, many of which I have read and enjoyed. So please PLEASE Piccolo worshippers if you are offended in some way, please don't blast me or send me an insulting e-mail about this one. Rather (Remember this is a humorous fanfic. I just write what I think may be funny. I am in no way trying to sound sexist or anything like that.), please accept it for what it really is, as this is just my way of tipping the hat to all of you people for your great work, without which, many of these fantastic sites and fanworks (that make my Dragonball experience so much grander) would not exist. And if you are still offended after this little section, (Or if I, in my own words, "Botched something" and it is perceived as offensive, I apologize, and you have my permission to write a fanfic blasting me in someway. Or heck, tell me what offended you, so that if it's a legitimate reason, I don't do so again. Thank you. Phew. There, now you may all proceed to throw your rocks, pitchforks, and torches at me. ^^;;;;;) On with the story! ^_^

"Alright, now I'm going to teach you all something very useful!" Piccolo boomed. Everyone except Dende stood at attention. "This isn't normally covered in the curriculum, but many people take advantage of innocents. So I'm going to teach you all a few basic self-defense moves! Now, to do this, I need a volunteer to demonstrate my training method. Does anyone want to help me?" All the girls, eager to help out their idol, raised their hands, as did Gohan. The only hand not up was Dende's. Piccolo smiled his evil, demonic grin again.

"Dende, how about you?" Dende's eyes widened and his antennae perked up at the mention of his name. He looked at Piccolo in disbelief, and pointed at himself, a scared look on his face.

"M…me?" Piccolo nodded. Dende began sweating. "But teacher, I'm not quite sure I'm the best…"

"Go help Piccolo! He's the bomb!" One girl shouted from behind him.

"Yeah, don't hold back you jerk! Piccolo's trying to teach us!"

"GO UP THERE NOW!"

"YEAH!" Dende glanced back at the mob of angry girls. He weighed his odds. On one side there was Piccolo, and on the other there were a bunch of girls ready to kill him if he didn't help their mentor. Dende gulped.

"Uh…okay… I'm going!" Dende started trotting up even as thrown erasers and rulers hurtled past him. Piccolo grinned.

"Alright, now I'm going to demonstrate a basic punch on Dende, who's so helpfully volunteered." Piccolo pulled his arm back, even while Dende clenched his eyes shut, silently praying. Then he heard a smacking sound and looked up to see Piccolo with clenched teeth and narrowed eyes, rubbing his nose with his right hand. He glanced at the class. Everyone, even Gohan, looked quite confused by what had transpired.

"Now then, as I was saying… a basic punch is like… OOF!" Piccolo was cut off as, raising a fist to strike at Dende, he pulled back and punched himself in the gut. Piccolo swore.

Dende stood there, confused. Piccolo was getting angry.

"This is a basic ki-" Piccolo didn't finish as his other leg flew up in the air first and he landed hard on his back, getting the wind knocked out of him. The girls all screamed and stood up. Tia, who was at the front, pointed at Dende.

"Hey girls! He's doing some kind of mind trick to Piccolo and is making him hurt himself! What are we going to do about it?"

"Let's beat that little punk up!"

"Kill him! He hurt Piccolo-san!"

"Throw him in a trash can! Shove him in a locker!" The girls started marching forward. Dende's eyes widened. Gohan gulped. The only time he had seen Dende look that way had been when Dodoria and Freezer had destroyed his friends so many years ago. It was the look of extreme fear. Dende smiled awkwardly as the girls advanced further, trying to throw them off.

"But wait ladies! I'm not doing anything! Don't you see how cute and adorable I am! Uh… wouldn't you rather help your mentor then hurt me? Um…" The mob advanced closer. Dende gulped again. "…I'll… uh…" Dende rummaged around his collar. "…give you all… fifty zeni?" Gohan stood up, and began inching his way towards the mob. Tia glared at Dende, fire in her eyes.

"Don't let him fool you! He's a little monster!"

"He hurt Piccolo!"

"Let's smash him!"

"Don't take his money!"

At this moment Dende's instinct for survival kicked in. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed, running out the door. As soon as Dende left the room, Piccolo stood up. All the girls turned in disbelief to look at their idol again.

"Piccolo!"

"You're alright!"

"Did that little brat hurt you?" Piccolo held up his hands, calming the group down. He grinned.

"Now now, please calm down. I was just pretending, and I needed your help to play a trick on him and teach him a lesson, don't go and kill him, okay?" The girls slowly nodded, hypnotized, and sat back down. Gohan also sat back down and breathed a sigh of relief. The class continued without event, and soon it was over, after Piccolo taught them all how to make his standard outfit. Gohan approached Piccolo once all the girls had left, although the mob had descended to his desk before crowding out the door.

"Hey Mr. Piccolo! Wasn't that a little harsh? Now we don't even know where Dende is!" Piccolo grinned.

"Nah, he needed to learn a lesson Gohan. Besides, I'm sure he'll turn up. I have another class to teach and I don't want you to be late, so why don't you go hurry to your next class? I'll tell him that I'm not mad at him if I see him." Gohan nodded.

"Okay, thanks Piccolo! You taught a great class!" Gohan waved and walked out the door. Piccolo glanced down at his desk, which was covered in apples his admirers had left. He picked one up and frowned.

"Why can't they just leave bottled water?" Piccolo sighed.

* * *

There were about three minutes until his next class, and as often happens soon after lunch, Gohan was feeling the call of nature. (NO! I'm not going to get detailed! You all can keep reading! Don't worry!) Following the same route he took after every home economics class, he marched into the boys' restroom and was taking care of business. He heard a strange clicking noise, and glanced up at the ceiling. His eyes widened in shock when he recognized Dende hanging from the lights. The Namek's eyes were wide; he was shuddering, drenched in sweat, and was chattering in fear.

"A…are they gone?" He asked, his voice quivering. Gohan groaned and rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Hurry Dende! We're going to be late!" Gohan exclaimed, jogging down the hallway. Dende struggled to keep up with him, since Gohan had a size advantage. Gohan glanced down at Dende, who's tongue was hanging out, his antennae were limp and plastered to his face, and he was gasping for air. Finally, just as Dende was about to pass out, and much to his surprise, Gohan grabbed the Namek and tucked him under his arm like a football.

"What the?! Gohan, put me down! We don't need to get there that fast!" Dende exclaimed, panicked. Gohan remained silent, and put on a burst of speed. He hadn't been late or absent for school the entire year and he wasn't about to lose his perfect record now. Spying the open classroom ahead, Gohan reared back, grabbed Dende by the waist, and tossed him through the door. He then tensed for a giant leap…

…and shoulder rolled through the door just as the tardy bell kicked in with a resounding BBRRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!! He lay there panting next to Dende, who had unceremoniously flown through the door moment's earlier. A blurred figure stood over him. He blinked once as his vision focused, revealing his English teacher. The sixty-year-old woman was not happy.

"Well well, thought you'd pull it a little close today, did you Son Gohan? And what's more, you've decided to drag the new kid into your hair raising antics as well. Well, you two may take your seats. Class is about to begin." Gohan stood up and practically dragged the semi-conscious Dende into his seat. He then flopped into the empty seat next to Dende's and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The record was still perfect for another day.

The teacher smiled, and rummaged around in a cabinet, pulling out a large cardboard box.

"Okay class, today we're going to reenact a scene from a famous play. It's called Romeo and Juliet! Now, to make this extra fun…" The teacher smiled, not noticing the rest of the class roll their eyes. "…we're going to dress up as well!" Now, I have the most wonderful medieval clothing here that would be PERFECT for our Romeo… Gohan, you were almost late, how about you?" Gohan gulped.

"Um, okay… I guess I can play Romeo…" Gohan glanced at the empty seat where Videl would be sitting if she hadn't been… misplaced… Gohan felt a single tear welling in his eye. _"Oh Videl… I promise whoever gets to play Juliet, I'll still only think of you…" _The teacher nodded.

"Good, now who wants to play Juliet?" While Gohan was lost in his thoughts, Dende glanced around. No one seemed especially eager to play Juliet. He had actually been daydreaming, and he had no idea about the classic play. He also still hadn't quite grasped the difference between a guy's name and a girl's name.

"Well…Gohan did say I should stick with him and I'll be okay," Dende thought. He shrugged and raised his hand. Someone behind him snickered. Gohan continued, lost in his thoughts. _"Ah Videl… I can almost picture you in your seat smiling, right next to Dende and his raised hand… RAISED HAND?!"_ Gohan's eyes went wide, but it was too late. The teacher was already pointing at Dende.

"Well, it seems a little odd, but sure kid, you can be Juliet… you two come up here and get your books and costumes." The teacher remarked, surprised. Dende eagerly hopped out of his seat and practically skipped to the front of the class, followed by a slowly walking Son Gohan, whose face was red. Somewhere behind Dende another kid snickered, but Dende didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, your name's Dende, right kid? Here, take this and put it on." The teacher said, reaching into the cardboard box and coming out with a lovely yellow dress. Dende smiled.

"Alright, sure thing ma'am!" He said eagerly. Giggles resounded throughout the class, but Dende was still unobserving. Gohan felt like every laugh was directed at him though, and accepted his costume without a word. By the time Gohan had tugged the loose pants over his outfit, Dende had already put the whole dress on and was twirling around, grinning.

"Hey, this looks and feels great! I should wear this some other time!" Dende exclaimed. The class exploded into laughter. Dende scratched his head, wondering what was so funny. Gohan had dropped the top of his suit and had gazed up in the air with a "Why me?" look.

"Okay class, now our Romeo and uh… Juliet are going to perform the dancing scene!" Dende glanced at the teacher.

"Dancing? We get to dance? Don't worry me and Gohan are good at that! Come on Gohan, lets spin around like we used to do when we were little! That was fun!" Dende said, grinning. The class burst into laughter again. Gohan glanced at the clock and sighed. Thirty-five more minutes of hell were left. He was going to have a talk with Dende about human customs when they got done with this.

* * *

While Dende was putting Gohan through mortal embarrassment and in one day destroying the reputation he had built up for the past three months, Piccolo was busily grading papers in his home economics class. He was also very thirsty. He heard a knock on the classroom door and glanced up. The girl known as Tia was standing there looking at him meekly.

"Oh, hello. What do you need?" Piccolo asked. He had heard some of these humans occasionally needed remedial help, and even if he was only going to be a teacher for a day, he was determined to be a good one. Tia smiled.

"Well, you looked so thirsty, Mr. Piccolo sir. I kinda thought you um… might want something to drink?" She said hopefully. Piccolo reacted without thinking.

"I'm sorry, I'm not very thirsty, no thank yo-… what are you doing?" The girl had silently begun to cry. Piccolo scratched his head. "Um, what's wrong?"

"Y… you just don't like me, that's all!" Tia cried. Beads of sweat trickled down Piccolo's face.

"Now now, you're a nice girl, it's just that like I said, I can't go out with anyone. I'm sorry if I'm hurting your feelings." Piccolo replied awkwardly. The girl wiped her eyes with a handkerchief and looked up.

"Are you sure you don't want this drink I brought you, sir?" She cried. Piccolo weighed his options. He could both accept the drink and make the girl feel better with a minimum of trouble. Or he could refuse the drink and spend the next ten minutes convincing her that he didn't hate her, he just didn't want anything to drink right now. He chose option A and put on a fake smile.

"Um, on second thought, something to drink would be fine, thank you very much." The girl smiled gleefully and pulled out a can of pop, practically thrusting it in Piccolo's face. Piccolo read the label.

"Super Mega Hyper Jolt Cola? What the heck? Ten times the caffeine?" The girl smiled.

"It's to help keep you awake sir, I've heard teaching can be a boring job." Piccolo glanced back up at the girl.

"Well, I prefer Ice water, but I guess there's nothing wrong with trying new things…"


	4. C vs. D Chapter 4 (Part 6)

**C vs D**

**By Cremrock**

**Chapter 6: Gohio and Dende-ette**

Vegeta glanced through the classroom window, decided that what he was watching was uninteresting, and snuck through the bush to the next window. When he had awakened from getting knocked out, Kulilin was still unconscious. Vegeta had decided to blow off some steam without blowing the former monk up, so he had decided to start doing his new hobby, stalking people. He had already seen a chemistry class and a health class, and stuck his head into the next window, spying, of all people, Piccolo. He grinned as he saw the Namek say some words to a girl who was standing nearby. Now here was some dirt, something he could blackmail Piccolo with. Then he saw what Piccolo had accepted from the girl. It was strange, but the name of that drink looked awfully familiar. He could have sworn he had seen that drink the other day.

"Now where was that… Let me think… Super Mega Hyper… Wasn't that the drink that made Dende go berserk the other… OH NO!" Vegeta thought. Vegeta stood up, as the next event seemed to transpire in slow motion. He even heard his own shout.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" He shouted in slow motion, as the first drop of cola slowly dripped down towards Piccolo's outstretched tongue, as he was getting ready to guzzle the way he had seen some guy or other do on TV. Piccolo glanced up at Vegeta in slow motion, but the drop of cola landed on his tongue as his eyes widened in surprise. Slowly his pupils shrunk and his face took on an odd grin…

Tia blinked in disbelief as Piccolo exploded out of his chair and turned circles so quickly he became a pink and green blur. He then skidded to a stop in front of the surprised girl. He grinned.

"Hey babe! Want to go out on a date? I'm the cutest asexual you'll ever meet!" Tia blinked again before smiling awkwardly.

"Um… sure Piccolo-san, I'd like that a lot! Wow, to think you'd ask me out on a daaaaaattttttteeeeeeee!!!!!!!" Tia finished her sentence awkwardly because Piccolo had swept her off her feet and jetted through the roof. In the bushes outside, Vegeta glanced up and ran a hand through his spiky, black hair. He shrugged.

"This could be interesting… I think I'll follow them… glad I brought this along!" Vegeta reached into his pocket and pulled out a camera, exploded into Super Saiya-jin form so he could keep up, and flew after the pair.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo, where fore are thou Romeo…" Dende exclaimed with enthusiasm, thrusting his left arm out in a sweeping gesture. His yellow dress billowed around him. The class laughed as Gohan sheepishly trotted up, ready to say his line.

"Oh Juliet, my sweet, I," Gohan threw down his book in a rage. "Darnit! I just can't take this anymore! This is so embarrassing, and this is just so freaking weird!" The teacher and Dende blinked at Gohan. Dende glanced at his book. He tiptoed over and elbowed Gohan.

"Psst, hey Gohan, I've come to help you with your line, I think you said the wrong part…" Gohan stared at Dende as his face scrunched up. Then he fell to his knees and started bawling like a big baby.

"It's just not fair! Why does my friend have to be a total idiot! Why, oh why must my life be turned into this hell! What have I done to deserve this! What evil force must be toying with me!" The teacher's eyes widened as a grin encircled her wizened face. She felt full of energy, and walked in front of the class.

"YES! THAT'S IT GOHAN! THAT'S WHAT DRAMA IS ALL ABOUT! THAT'S A PERFECT EXAMPLE!" She exclaimed, raising her arms in the air vigorously. Gohan stood up and gazed at the teacher. His face was frozen in a look of rage. He raised his arms, walking up behind the unsuspecting teacher and preparing to dismember her…

Dende leapt into his arms instead, realizing what Gohan's intent was. He had realized what Gohan had said, had finally realized the class had been laughing at him and Gohan, and in a rare act of unselfishness, had decided to keep Gohan from snapping completely, saving the perfect school record of no detentions, trouble, or tardies he had built up over the years. Gohan scarcely knew what he was doing as the dress clad Namek landed in his arms, he just started tearing even while Dende screamed. A minute later, Gohan was holding Dende, who was gazing up at him with wide eyes and a shocked look. The dress had already been torn to shreds, as was Dende's robe. Fortunately, he still had on his huge purple pants, and he was wearing a T-shirt with the tie dyed words, "Official God of Earth" inscribed on it. He was hyperventilating.

"Gohan… d…don't go any lower… I'm not THAT fond of showing myself off… p…please snap… out of it?" The wild look slowly ebbed out of Gohan's eyes as he put Dende down. The teacher and the class were staring at the two of them wide eyed. Gohan cleared his throat, as Dende was in no condition to speak.

"Ahem… and that's how a drama SHOULD be performed, but the actors nowadays just don't have the energy. Take a bow, Dende!" Gohan bent down, bowing, even as he whacked Dende on the back so hard the god's torso also swiveled down. The bell to go rang a second later. Gohan didn't even wait for the teacher to dismiss them, he just waved goodbye, grabbed Dende, and dashed out the door. The teacher turned to look back at the class.

"Um… let's all give a big round of applause, class!"

* * *

Dende finally snapped out of his stupor, once Gohan had jammed the smaller person on top of a water fountain and splashed water all over his face. He grinned.

"Sorry I lost it back there, Dende. Thanks for saving my perfect record. You're a true friend!" Gohan reached forwards for a big embrace even as Dende's eyes widened and he rolled to the left. Gohan clamped onto the water fountain instead. Dende groaned.

"Um, please don't touch me Gohan, I've already been flushed, crushed, and now had most of my clothes torn to shreds by you today, in fact maybe you should just not touch me for um… the rest of my life. Okay?" Gohan shrugged, still grinning.

"Whatever you say Dende, thanks again for preserving my record… I'm sorry to tell you that there's another class left, but you're going to love it! It's Phys. Ed! Everyone loves Phys. Ed!" Dende's eyes widened.

"Um… I did some research on that subject… what's this about having to change?" Dende said, worried. Gohan grinned.

"Oh, that's no problem, all you do is strip down to your underwear, and then throw on a T-shirt and gym shorts… that's not so bad after having all your clothes ripped off, is it?" Dende glanced up at the ceiling.

"Um… I don't know how to break this to you Gohan, but… um… it's just that… I…" Gohan's smile rapidly disappeared.

"…don't have any underwear?" Gohan finished his friend's sentence, a groan beginning from deep within his throat. Dende glanced down at his purple pants.

"Well uh… Namek's like loose clothes... Why do you think our clothes are so big?" Dende explained. Gohan sighed.

"Well, it just so happens that I'm prepared for everything, and I brought some spares… one size fits all… what do you say?" (I have no idea how this can be applied to underwear, but if anyone ever invents it, tell me. I'd buy one!) Dende groaned.

"Aw, c'mon Gohan, even I don't wear Teddy bears… not that I've been spying or anything… uh… heh heh…" Gohan squinted.

"Alright, that's it. Now you have to wear them, or else I'm going to tell everyone your little secret!" Gohan exclaimed. Dende stared at Gohan coolly.

"What secret might that be Gohan, I have nothing to hide!" Dende exclaimed. Gohan grinned mischievously.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

"What about this picture I took of you a week or two ago, hmm?" Gohan opened his wallet and pulled out a wallet-sized picture. He handed it to Dende, who took it and examined it. Slowly Dende's eyes widened as he curled his lower lip. He stared at Gohan, who dashed around behind him and glanced, over his shoulder.

"Awwww! That's sooo cute Dende! Who'd have thought a big sixteen-year-old Namek like you would be sleeping with that delightful entourage of stuffed animals… why, that's such a cute looking pink bunny! And look at that dog, he has such wide eyes! And what's that in your mouth? Your thumb? Isn't that soooo precious…" Gohan said in a slow, cute voice normally reserved for grandmothers or aunts that pinch their adorable 3 year olds cheeks. Dende turned around slowly. His eyes were wide open and he was taking slow breaths, trying to conceal his rage. He uttered one slow word.

"H…how…?"

Gohan grinned, even while snatching the picture away before Dende could think to tear it up.

"I have my ways. Remember when you got sick that one day and I came to cheer you up? Well, you said you were tired and was going to go to bed, so I figured I'd come in and check on you later… who'd have thought that you'd have so many stuffed animals!" Dende glared.

"Fine, fine, I'll wear the stupid underwear." Dende snatched them out of Gohan's grip and trudged into the nearby restroom. Gohan glanced left and saw that the boys' bathroom was out of order, and sighed. _"It must be nice to be gender neutral some days..."_ Dende presently returned, wearing his normal clothing but not holding the underwear anymore. He grinned at Gohan.

"Wow Gohan, these are nice and snug around my waist!" A bead of sweat ran down Gohan's face as he stared at Dende, who was deep in thought for a moment.

"Well, gee, that's nice…" His voice trailed off as he led the way to the gymnasium and locker rooms.

Dende snickered. If Gohan was going to force him to attend gym class, let alone wear this incredibly dopey looking underwear, he was going to embarrass his friend as much as he could. As they walked down the hall, more the one person did a double take as they heard the Nameksei-jin's words, as Dende had suddenly burst into song about halfway down the hallway…

"Ohhhhhh, Underwear Underwear! I'm singing a song about Underwear! It's so snug and it's a nice fit, it only chafes a little bit! Underwear, underwear, given to me by my friend…" Gohan glared at Dende, who feigned obedience for a moment. Unfortunately, as soon as Gohan turned his head with a tiny little smirk since he had been able to bully his friend into stopping the prank, Dende screamed out the next two words of the song at the top of his lungs. "…SON GOHAN! Underwear, underwear, it's just as good as tender-loving care! Underwear, underwear! Ohhhhhhhhh…"

Somehow Gohan managed to survive the hundreds of glances as Dende burst into yet another verse, but Gohan's face was beet red the entire time. Mercifully, Dende quit singing as they neared the locker room, most likely so that he wouldn't embarrass himself. The "ordeal" was about to begin.

* * *

Dende and Gohan walked out into the gym, clad in T-shirt's and gym shorts. Mercifully, Dende's changing had gone without incident, and no one commented on the fact that he was obviously not a human, but then, few people had noticed the entire day. Instead, they noticed Dende's incredibly clashing colors, as the only shirt he had been able to find was his "Unofficial God of Earth" T-shirt, which was an incredible eyesore with every single visible color on the spectrum speckled all over it. His shorts were actually his purple pants, which were rolled up so much that it looked as if two huge doughnuts were strapped to Dende's thighs.

Suddenly someone let out a whoop, and before Dende and Gohan could get a good look at the gym teacher, the entire class charged towards the instructor, who was oddly enough, clad in a maroon gi and a bright white belt. Only one man would wear such an ugly looking outfit. The man, the myth, the legend… …Mr. Satan. Dende and Gohan glanced at each other as Mr. Satan finally began to bring the class to order with his booming voice, and of course, the fact that everyone in the class would likely jump off of a cliff for him. He looked at the eager class, and really wished they'd calm down, as he had been receiving welcoming receptions like this the entire day.

"Gosh darned celebrities teaching students program…" He mumbled, low enough so that the class couldn't hear. Except for one person, who snickered. Mr. Satan looked to the left side of the line, his eyes ablaze with rage, wondering who was laughing at him.

"Who was it?!" He screamed. Dende looked around and panicked as every finger swiveled towards him. He did, after all, have a rather unique voice, and everybody always blamed the one who dared to be different. Not discounting the fact that it was plainly obvious he had the biggest ears of the lot. He smiled awkwardly, and as Mr. Satan trudged up to him, ready to begin a huge throttling/punishment, he finally recognized the short, green person in front of him, and sweat dripped down his face.

"It's… you, isn't it?" Mr. Satan asked slowly, and Dende nodded, smiling slightly at the power he had. Mr. Satan turned around and then looked back over his shoulder at Dende, who maintained his tiny smirk. "That is to say… you're… him?" Dende nodded again. Gohan watched the bizarre exchange. Mr. Satan walked away a few more steps, then looked over his shoulder again, looking very nervous. "Am I in trouble?" Dende shrugged, smiling a little more, enjoying his power and the obvious fact that after his previous outburst, Mr. Satan was afraid that Dende would use his supposed godlike powers on him.

Dende didn't feel like explaining that his powers as the god of Earth to the occasional bout of telepathy, a bit of control over the weather, and of course his favorite past time, dropping heavy objects from the sky onto people who desperately deserved it. More then once the newspaper headlines had read, "Mugger's would-be victims rescued by unexplainable bowling ball falling from the sky." Regardless, Dende was perfectly happy letting Mr. Satan know some unexplainable doom was about to fall upon him if he made Dende angry. After the strain and overall soreness of his arms following the defeat of Buu, he had vowed that unless there was another dire strait or he had to use his flying powers to save someone, he would never again play "Dende's taxi service again."

Mr. Satan began taking roll as Gohan grinned at him.

"You know Dende, that was really mean. He's expecting a lightning bolt to come bucking out of the sky now and incinerate him."

Dende just smiled even wider and nodded slightly. In reality, he wasn't normally mean to people, and he realized that despite his annoying tendencies, Mr. Satan provided something to the people of his planet. Mr. Satan was a role model, and it secretly warmed his heart when he saw some child refusing to do drugs because they wanted to be just like their hero. Never mind the fact that he had seen Mr. Satan smoking on many occasions. He reminded himself to drop something on him for that. Being a god had its perks.

Mr. Satan stepped up in front of the class again, taking a nervous glance at Dende and Gohan before speaking.

"Okay class, today we're going to be playing American Football, and of course, it's a contact sport! None of these wimpy flags!" He screamed, laughing and tossing the belts full of flags aside. Some of the weaker looking boys in the class gulped, as the bullies and huge, athletic people grinned and cracked their knuckles. Mr. Satan nodded slightly and continued. "I will choose two captains to pick the teams! They are… Melville Dende, and Son Gohan! Gohan will get the first choice. Please, line up next to me, you two."

Dende didn't know that being a captain was an honor, as he so hated to bring attention to himself with so many people he didn't know about. Gohan smiled though, being the best athlete in the class for obvious reasons. He chose one of the athletic kids as his first pick. Dende looked at all the big, strong kids raising their hands, and felt sorry for the other kids, so he chose a thin, lanky kid with huge goofy looking glasses, that didn't look like he could catch a ball or tackle a person to save his life. Besides that, he didn't really understand the rules of the game… he thought it would be a quiz or something.

After all, school was for increasing one's mental capacity and knowledge, he thought. And so the picks went. Gohan always, logically chose the person that would help his team win, not because he had anything against the weaker people or anything, but because the winning team almost always got bonus points. He had a 110% in all his other classes due largely in part to his mother constantly forcing him to study, and he wanted the extra point that would push him over the 110% percentile mark in this class as well.

A few minutes later, the teams had chosen their names. Son Gohan's team, consisting of virtually every major athlete in the class and all the big kids was named the "Manglers". Dende's team, consisting mostly of the intelligent, pocket protecting, glasses wearing kids was called, "The Red Ants". Dende approached Mr. Satan. Mr. Satan gulped and began sweating again. "Y…yes?"

Dende glared at him. "What're the rules of this game, anyway? I've never played it before, and if I'm going to be leading my team to victory…" Dende allowed a small bit of a smile, since he still thought it was a game of intellect. Mr. Satan shrugged, not surprised at all that Dende was smiling, although he thought it was because Dende could make everyone fall down with the touch of a finger. He began to explain the rules, and slowly, as he progressed and explained about all the hitting and tackling in the sport, the Nameksei-jin began to shudder and whimper.

A few minutes later, Mr. Satan had finished as he leered in Dende's face, clapping him on the shoulder and squeezing him so hard that Dende's face was practically shoved up his armpit, as Dende's arms flailed wildly.

"Aren't you excited?! Any red-blooded person has a basic primeval rage to tackle, shove, and push others around in a battle for a ball and glory! It's so fun!" He gushed over his sport, as Dende managed to escape the man's grasp. He looked at his decidedly non-athletic team and gulped. They were exchanging science fiction jokes, trying to enjoy their last few moments on Earth.

"For the other team…" Dende mumbled. Mr. Satan glanced at him as if he was completely crazy.

"What's wrong?" He asked, seemingly more at ease in Dende's presence. Dende glared up at him.

"Well, my blood's not red, it's purple and occasionally green! Besides, look at my size! Do you think I'm cut out for a contact sport?!" Mr. Satan chuckled and slapped Dende on the back, still believing he had super strength and powers like Son Goku and his friends.

"You crack me up, god! Quick, go get your pads on! And don't keep acting so glum! If it rains we might not even play football!" Dende blinked in surprise and suddenly grinned very enthusiastically.

"Really?! You mean it? We won't go outside to the slaugh- er, to play the game if it rains?" Mr. Satan nodded, even as Gohan, overhearing the conversation, scratched his head and wondered why Dende was so happy. As soon as Dende was positive that Son Gohan was looking away, he closed his eyes and focused his thoughts on one individual in particular…

* * *

Mr. Popo saw the world through a blurry haze of colors that were slurred together. Beside him was a half-finished statue of a three-headed dragon, and… not surprising, several liquor bottles. He groaned slightly, feeling groggy and wanting nothing more then to go to sleep.

"POPO! POPO!" Mr. Popo leapt to his feet in surprise and hastily scooped up the bottles and threw them into the only concealing object at his disposal, his pants. He heard the tingle of glass clinking together as he shifted frantically, trying to look sober and wondering where Dende was. _"POPO!" _Dende's voice returned, and it was only now that Popo slapped himself in the forehead and realized that it was Dende contacting him telepathically. He groaned, sometimes being a servant was more hazardous then he thought. Still, he knew it was duty, and wouldn't have it any other way.

"Y… yes Dende-sama, what is it?" He thought slowly, agonizing over each word so that he would send his thoughts clearly.

"Quick, Popo! I'm in gym class with Gohan and we're about to play some contact sport against a bunch of people that'll clobber me and my team!" Mr. Popo blinked in amazement, then chuckled slightly at the thought of Dende hitting or tackling someone.

"What do you want me to do? Come to sch- school and get you?!" Popo asked, and he heard Dende sigh in exasperation in his mind.

"I don't know! Just make school get cancelled! Or you could make it rain… just hurry! We're starting to stretch now! There's not much time left! Hurry!" Dende's thoughts were getting more frantic by the moment, and Popo mentally saluted and started shambling off to Dende's room; drunken mind already coming up with a plan.

* * *

Next to Dende's bed, on a small desk, was an intricately adorned, gold handled antique phone. In his efforts to protect the people of his planet, Dende often used this phone. His predecessor had often used it to phone into talk shows and offer reassuring device or to imitate the king of the world's voice and stop terrorists from bombing an area…; Dende was just as likely to use it to order pizza for Son Goku and company as he was to avert nuclear disaster with it… Dende's own methods of preserving the world were much more unorthodox. Every time he saw that someone was going to perform some hideous act of mass murder or some other horrible deed, Dende would make a prank call. He would chat with them for about five minutes, get Popo to scan the person's address, and then intricately drop an anvil off the Lookout to crush the would be evildoer. It had it's perks, there hadn't been one hostile takeover since that day… Of course, this alternately had the side effect of making Dende's phone number public enemy #1, because naturally, since the law-enforcement hadn't realized the evildoers were going to commit a crime, it seemed more like an attack. The only connection they had was the anvils and the Lookout's phone number. This was to prove unfortunate…__

* * *

Popo quickly shambled in, the only phone book with all the numbers in the universe under his arm. He quickly opened it to the number of Orange Star High School and frantically pushed the buttons on the phone. A moment later, there was a chime, and Popo, not being very familiar with the usage of a phone, smiled, thinking it meant he was about to be connected.

"Beeeeeeeeeeep! We're sorry, but the fingers you have used to dial this phone… are too fat. Also, it appears that you are drunk, as there is no number known as 999-9999-3333." Mr. Popo balked in surprise and anger, thinking several profanities.

"Baaaad language!" Dende's voice mentally chided in Popo's mind, and Popo shrieked in surprise at Dende's sudden return and leaned backwards, knocking over one of Dende's favorite lamps. He shrieked and juggled it frantically, managing to catch it… before leaning too far forward and losing his balance. The lamp shattered into a million pieces not because of the floor, which was almost pillowysoft, but the bulk of the servant's weight.

"^#)*(@#$%*@#%)*#@%)@#*%@#%@#)*%#$&%^($*^@#^#()*#$^#$_)*$^#$)_*@$^#$_)*#^#$_)*$#^*#^# (Edited for the well being of children ^-^)" Popo screamed, letting loose another string of profanities as Dende's voice returned again.

"Popo, hurry! We're stretching now and we're almost done!" Ignoring Dende yet spurred by the despair that was beginning to creep into his thoughts, Popo jammed a finger down on the only number he could hit without fear of touching the others, 0. A moment later, the operator came on the line.

"Hello, operator speaking, how may I help you?"

"Yes, I need to be connected with Orange Star High School immediately, please!" Popo shrieked into the receiver.

"Hold please." Was the operator's curt reply. A moment later, another voice came over the phone, ironically belonging to the same secretary that had run into Tenshinhan Company earlier that day. She was actually hoping that it was Tenshinhan on the line, as she was single and wanted to get the man's phone number.

"Hello? Hello?" She exclaimed brightly, crossing her fingers.

"Ummm… hi, this is Mr. Popo… Is this Orange Star High School?" Popo asked, meticulously sounding out each word so he wouldn't slur them together.

"Oh... Yes, it is. This is Ms. Josie speaking. How may I help you?" Disappointment shining clearly through the voice, catching Popo off guard. Popo gulped and composed himself.

"You've gotta hurry! There's a bomb in the school! It's gonna explode soon! Evacuate, evacuate!" Popo shrieked, unfortunately slurring many of his words together this time. On the other line, he heard the secretary groan, as in the office, she had noticed the number on the school's caller I.D.

"You're that person whose been making all those prank calls! And you're drunk with no evidence! Listen you little punk, I'm waiting for a guy to call me, and I don't need psycho's like you tying up the phone lines when I'm trying to do my job!" Before Popo could reply, he heard a slam and the phone went dead.

"Hello, hello?" Popo asked, before groaning and putting the phone back down. Somehow remembering that Dende had said he could save him by making it rain, Popo turned and started dashing frantically for Lookout's basement. He scampered down five flights of stairs and was starting on the fifth. Unfortunately, he was beginning to tire, wasn't watching where he was stepping, and… resting precariously on one of the steps was a Tickle me Dende doll left over from when he and Piccolo had their factory downstairs. He tripped over it, eyes widening in surprise as he rolled down the rest of the steps before colliding with the wall at the bottom with a huge clunk.

He groaned slightly, feeling as if he was about to pass out and not being able to think clearly, the jolt of his likely concussion mingling with his aforementioned state of drunkenness.

"A… a little… nap… wouldn't… hurt…" He mumbled softly. He blinked, his eyes already half-closed. "Must… save… Dende… though… but… he'll… be… fine…" Mr. Popo's eyes closed the whole way. A moment later, there was a light thud next to him, and he opened his eyes and found himself staring into…

A Tickle me Dende doll with one eyeball hanging out, an awkwardly bent arm, two snapped antennae, no teeth…

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! DENDE-SAAAAMMMMMAAAAA!" Popo wailed, slurring the syllables together but jumping to his feet, the thought of such things happening to his master giving him the jolt of adrenaline needed to wake up. He quickly darted towards the basement, renewed in his purpose.

Neglected, the bottle of water Popo had intended to bring with him to pour down onto the Earth remained in Dende's room…

* * *

"Time to go outside for a fun game of football, class!" Mr. Satan laughed. "Now everyone line-up so that I can check to make sure you're wearing your pads!"

As if on a death-march, Dende's group lined up. Gohan walked up alongside Dende, despite the fact he was on the other team as he noticed Dende's rapidly despairing expression. He smiled at his friend, trying to be reassuring.

"Don't worry Dende, you'll do fine!" Dende's only reply was to shake his head sadly and look down at the ground, surmising his impending doom. Gohan clapped him on the shoulder.

"Awww, cheer up! You looked so happy before, what happened?" Gohan's eyes averted slightly downward, as it did bother him to see one of his friends looking so sad. Dende's voice was hollow, that of a defeated Nameksei-jin.

"Well… I asked Popo to find a way to cancel school, but I don't think he was going to pull it off… I think he's drunk again, his thoughts seemed erratic… and a drunk person wouldn't be able to make it rain… I mean, he probably tripped and fell down the steps or is dozing somewhere…"

Gohan sighed, then brightened, trying to sound more optimistic for his friend.

"Don't worry, Dende, Popo wouldn't lie, I'm sure he hasn't been drinking again! Heck, he's probably destroyed all the booze in the house! He's a very dependable person!" Dende glanced up at him, not convinced. A moment later, to their surprise, a booming thunderclap echoed throughout the gym, coming from outside. Dende's face suddenly lit up, as Gohan laughed, pleased to see his friend happy again. "See? I told you Mr. Popo wasn't drinking!"

Dende nodded in disbelief and started pumping his fists into the air, performing a Nameksei-jin dance of joy, even as the rest of the class snickered at Dende's following routines, as a tiny green person doing back-flips must be seen to be believed. Mr. Satan went out to check on the rain, even as Dende continued his dance.

"You did it, Popo-san! I'm sorry I doubted you! I'll believe you from now on! I shoulda known, you can always depend on Popo, the ex-alcolholic! Wahahahahahahaha!" Dende exclaimed, even as Gohan joined in on the celebrations, pleased that his friend was happy and that Popo had seemingly conquered his alcoholism. That was when Mr. Satan walked back in, his face twisted in a mask of bewilderment, just as Dende and Gohan were beginning to exchange a round of high (Well, low)-fives.

"Guys… we're not playing football… it's… it's… raining… beer." Satan stammered, completely confused. In the silence, one could easily hear the thud of a Nameksei-jin and Saiya-jin falling flat on their backs resonating through the gym.

__


End file.
